Let’s get one thing straight. “Big Tips Texas” is a dumb, disgusting show guaranteed to make you dumber. It’s also incredibly entertaining. Since the success of the “Jersey Shore” and the “Challenge” MTV reality shows have embraced a simple formula.
Co-Ed stars + Alcohol = Sex and Violence.
The new twist on this tried and true combination occurred with the debut of “Buckwild”. The stars could now be redneck Co-Eds. Thus folding stupidity into the sex and violence already flowing out from the channel. “Buckwild” was cut short due to the tragic death of one of its stars, but the redneck infusion has held and “Big Tips Texas” is the next step in MTV’s reality evolution.
“Big Tips Texas” revolves around the girls who work at an Arlington, Texas bar named “Redneck Heaven”. The tag line for the bar promises “Restaurant, Bar, Sports, Mischief”. The girls provided all of this and more. Think of the bar as Coyote Ugly without the choreographed dances. The girls, all wearing matching cutoff jean shorts, make Hooters seem tame and understated. It’s a bar you might go to once, but never admit it. The girls seductively use hula hoops, tricycles, and shot glasses. Chris Rock famously said that every Dad’s job is to “keep their daughter off the stripper pole”. Add working at “Redneck Heaven” to that thought.
So what kind of women would choose to work at a place like this?
There is Amber, the veteran bartender, with a voice that can only come from too many cheap cigarettes and whiskey. She’s the lead shit starter on the show. Think of her as a combination of Snooki and J-Woww. She slurs her way through work, while pancaking on makeup to cover a chin full of pimples. She’s a giant star in the MTV model. Would it surprise you to find out Amber and another veteran employee jumped a newbie hire at an after work bar. They rolled all over the floor of the bar before the newbie fled in tears. Amber shook out her spaghetti strap t-shirt and went back to drinking.
Don’t forget the star new girl Morgan. With a look rooted in the Kardashian style, Morgan is the type of girl that Amber immediately hates. Morgan also scores MTV points by having numerous bad tattoos. Bad body art is a prerequisite for being a redneck girl. Morgan spends her down time with her boyfriend lamenting to the camera about how her dream of being a rodeo barrel rider. Yes, she is working at the bar to get enough money to buy a horse for barrel riding. Wasn’t that the plot from “Black Beauty”.
The person on the show with hands down the best name is the bar’s manager Typhani. Oh yes, that is her real name. Were her parents huge fans of Pacific Ocean machinations or just illiterate? Typhani manages the bar with an iron fist, and also coincidentally is the long time girlfriend of the bar’s owner. Needless to say our storm named manager is very sensitive about people thinking she got the job just by being the boss’s girlfriend. I have to agree with how ridiculous that is. She didn’t get her job by dating the boss, but by having sex with the boss. A very big difference.
The owner of the bar goes by the name “Tinker”. For some reason I don’t think he drew his name from being a John La Carre fan. He pops up every now and then to weigh in on meaningless aspects of the business. Last episode he appeared behind the wheel of the “Redneck Heaven Speed Boat” during a marketing event. “Tinker” is bald and looks mid 40s. He’s just like Hugh Hefner, but without the silk robes and talent.
Did I mention the show is great. It’s a perfect disposable 42 minutes of content. The show doesn’t ask you to focus on Easter eggs or plot twist. Each week you get a healthy does of “thank goodness that isn’t my life”. As we’ve seen from “Honey Boo-Boo” there is a large audience out there that enjoys watching people below them fight in the muck. Think of it as the Roman Coliseum television model. The ratings for the first episode were solid and promising. There’s an endless line of girls in Texas with tramp stamps looking to get on reality television so the show could last forever. I just hope Typhani gets an episode soon where we meet her parents, Monsoon and Cumulus, and her siblings Typhoid and Tryptophan.