Julianne Hough is a former “Dancing with the Stars” pro, and now holds claim to the title of actress. She recently had to apologize for her poor Halloween costume choice of Crazy Eyes from “Orange is the New Black”. Hough was under the incorrect impression that black face was still appropriate. She subsequently apologized, but her offensive episode brings up a good point.
What do you do when you find out what you thought was a benign costume is actually a robe of bigotry?
My recommendation is scrap the black face and go with these last minute Halloween costume ideas. Sure it might not look like the most expensive choice, but it’s far better than a white guy pretending to be Jay-Z. It doesn’t matter how great you thought Tracy Morgan was on SNL as Starr Jones. Your not that funny. Stick to some of these mainstream costume ideas and avoid alienating people.
This is an easy one. One of the great things about America is everyone knows a person fatter then them. Borrow a mismatched hooded sweatshirt and pants from that wide load. Grab one of the winter hats you found recently in the back of your dresser, and off you go. Great costume for people who love to scream “Bitch”, and still want to make “Breaking Bad” a thing. When someone asks you about where your expensive to buy fake blue meth is, just tell them you’re out of the business.
Shake some flour into your hair and throw on your oldest blazer. Then walk around the party asking if anyone’s heard about job openings in the new year. Incorporate the Leno “head shake”, and thrust hands into pants pockets to emphasize jokes. If the jokes start to fail then switch to being older S.H.I.E.L.D Agent on holiday.
James Spader’s Red from “The Blacklist”
What’s more recognizable than the lead character from the biggest show of the Fall. Spader’s Red is a great costume because it mainly involves long stares, and speaking incredibly slow. Bonus points for bald guys who can get an old school “Kojak” vibe going. Laughing maniacally is mandatory.
Hannah from “Girls”
Finally a hilarious outfit for men who previously were thought to be limited to morbidly obese male characters. Find a pair of curtains from a nearby dumpster, and belt that sucker. Pair of flip flops, and no showering. Carry a copy of the New Yorker in with you to the party, and discuss how interesting the profile of Alexander Payne is in the new issue.
Dress in all black, and enter the party as “America’s Judge”. The outfit demands a pair of over sized sunglasses. If you have access to an old witches wig, then all the better. Throw your arms out and declare the party “yours”, and ask girls if they want to kiss for the listeners.
Carrie from “Homeland”
This has two angles to attack from. You can wear a neutral business look or institution casual wear. The important thing is to keep pulling your hair back from your ears, and ask if anyone has seen Saul. If people don’t react to your questions about Saul then start shaking and demanding people listen to you. Bring an old bottle of medicine to put the look over the top and replace it with Orange Tic Tacs you can pop all night long.