Last night, ABC aired what turned out to be the series finale of Trophy Wife. I’m sad that this slyly funny show was never able to garner enough of a following to get a renewal, but I’m glad we got a full season out of it anyway.
The finale starts with Kate having a bit of an existential motherhood crisis as Mother’s Day approaches. Pete assures her he sees her as a mother, but he doesn’t have time to do much reassuring, because the TV interrupts with news of an oil spill in the Galapagos. It’s one of Pete’s clients, so now he’s on damage control. Hillary comes barging in, on a mission to stop her dad from representing those guys. He tries his pitch on her: “The cleanup is going to take months. It will create thousands of jobs. Oil is an organic substance.” Good luck Pete.
The next day, Kate is trying to make a reservation for a Mother’s Day brunch, table for one. The restaurant thinks she’s joking. The kids come in with a bunch of bags, unsuccessfully pretending that they don’t have Mother’s Day gifts. Diane and Jackie tell Kate that they want to give her Mother’s Day with the kids. She is so flattered and goes on and on about how wonderful it is that they see her as a mom. Meanwhile, I’m waiting for the catch/punch line. Diane first delivers one of her usual underhanded compliments: “When I first met you, I thought, there is no way I am leaving my children with this vapid, gold-digging alcoholic, but I have come to realize that while you enjoy a cocktail, you don’t NEED a cocktail.” Still vapid and gold-digging though, it would seem. Jackie tells Kate that when they first met, she thought, “Wow, blonde Jackie, real original, Pete.” Pretty typical responses from both, in other words.
Pete and his colleagues are in the situation room trying to manage their oil crisis, though they all seem much more concerned about the pickle situation on their deli platter. Pete’s boss tells him he wants him to be lead counsel, so in other words, take the bullet with all the cable news interviews.
The kids and Kate brainstorm Mother’s Day gifts for Diane and Jackie. Bert suggests a chicken for Jackie because she likes eggs and “birds that try to fly but can’t.” At the chicken farm, Hillary and Warren discuss what to get for Diane. They talk about how she likes yelling at waiters and Warren says it’s good that she does that because it helps them get better at their jobs. They end up making her some kind of confusing diorama that involves a human skull instead. It turns out, though, that it doesn’t matter what the kids get their moms for Mother’s Day, because neither of them is home when they go to deliver the gifts. And there’s the catch: Jackie and Diane went on vacation.
Kate is now on a mission to find out where the mothers are, so she has Warren call Diane. Warren is not good in situations like that, so when Kate tries to mime what Warren should tell her, he says that someone farted in his face. Naturally, Diane is not concerned by this, so the phone call ends there. Kate and the kids go to Pete’s office to find out what he knows. He is in makeup for his TV interview, and suddenly Warren wants to go into the family business. (“Is this what you do all day at work? I want to be a pretty lawyer!”) Kate and Bert confront Sad Steve, who says he doesn’t like mean voices, and who has a picture of himself and his dog that says “Best Friends 2006-2010″ on it. The “sad” part of his name is making more sense all the time.
Bert sends Kate out and does his Voodoo Adult Manipulation thing he does. He tells Sad Steve that he needs to know where his mommy is so he can tell her that he wants Sad Steve to be his new daddy. So Bert understood the implications of the dog picture too. Steve immediately blurts out the name of Jackie’s hotel. Then he suggests they call Jackie together. Bert yells, “I already have a dad!” and runs out of the office. Steve calls his secretary and asks her to move up his therapy appointment.
Meanwhile, at the resort, Diane has just swum 5,000 meters (don’t ask me how far that actually is), and Jackie is on her 9th glass of champagne, so they are both at the peak of relaxation. It’s the perfect moment for Kate to arrive and start throwing stuff. She tells them how angry she is that she thought they respected her, and Diane says that it’s not her fault Kate’s ego caused her to forget everything Diane’s ever said about her (cue gasp from Warren and Hillary). Kate starts trying to pull Diane out of the pool, and then Jackie starts pulling on Kate, saying, “Get off my meal ticket!” You know what comes next. All three get very wet. It’s a bit of a been there, done that sitcom gag, and it only gets different when we cut to Pete in the TV studio having a heart attack.
The mothers all arrive at the hospital to see Pete. The nurse tells them that Pete’s wife is already in there. You saw this coming: Meg is hoping that Pete has amnesia and will think he’s married to her, thus giving her all his money. But she can’t carry on with this charade for long. The mothers come in and the doctor meets with them. He tells them all that Pete simply had indigestion, and it was likely due to all that deli crap he ate. Pete wants it to be more than that and starts asking the doctor if he should change his lifestyle, pull back at work, think about what’s really important in life. Doc says no, just go easy on the cupcakes.
Sweet moment occurs when Kate tells Jackie and Diane that she was hurt that they lied to her, and they feel bad. They offer her their fancy hotel room, and then we see the whole white-robed family enjoying it. Pete and Kate drinking champagne on the balcony, Warren and Bert pillow fighting, Hillary and Diane playing chess, Jackie messing with her chicken, and of course, Meg going through the mini bar. What a great family. I will miss them.