Shhhh! M. Night Shyamalan Is Shopping A Secret Screenplay

I find the timing of this news convenient. Two weeks before The Last Airbender hits theaters on July 1st, writer/director M. Night Shyamalan is rumored to be sending out his latest super-secret script to top execs. According to Heat Vision, big names like Bruce Willis, Gwyneth Paltrow and Bradley Cooper have been approached to star.

M. Night’s paranoid and extremely silly tradition of allowing only studio grand poobahs to read his cloak and dagger writing under the watchful eye of one of his flunkies is apparently in full effect. No one knows what the damn plot is or what the not-so stunning twist will be. Which begs the question, “Gee, I wonder what ridiculous surprise Shyamalan will spring on us this time?”

So far, he’s hit us with the following sharp turns (SPOILERS dead ahead):

The Sixth Sense – Bruce Willis is dead.

Unbreakable – Mr. Glass caused all the disasters.

Signs – Water kills the aliens.

The Village – It’s really modern day.

Lady in the Water – Who cares? This movie sucked ass.

The Happening – The trees are killing us.

After a promising start to his career, M. Might has become a borderline hack. His stories are convoluted and his so-called twists are amateurish and illogical. Why would a studio exec with an iota of common sense put up with this guy’s shenanigans? It’s fairly obvious he’s trying to secure funding for his latest project before The Last Airbender opens just in case it tanks, which considering the way the summer box office is going, is very likely.

The only thing that might keep Airbender from bombing is it’s not based on one of Night’s overblown ideas. However, if it does flop, Shyamalan may find himself penning and helming Syfy original movies like “Giant Anteater vs. Mega-Toad” instead of having lunch with old pal Bruce Willis.

I really wonder if Night is capable of regaining his form and delivering the goods. He’s a technically competent director but these crazy plots have got to stop. The trees are attacking us? C’mon, Night. Even environmentalists thought that was preachy.

If I told you his new script was about of bunch of people traveling on a train that inexplicably switches tracks in the middle of the night and ends up in a dark, desolate land which turns out to be hell, would you believe me? Doesn’t that sound like something he’d write? Is that really what his new flick is about? I’ll never tell and neither will Shyamalan.