A dude’s Vanderpump Rules power rankings Season 7, Episode 13

On this week’s episode of Vanderpump Rules, Lala deals with the aftermath of her break with Rand, Stassi meets Beau’s mom, and the girls all confront Carter over his past behavior.

Previously, on Vanderpump Rules, the girls confronted Kristen over how miserable she is with Carter while Lala revealed that she caught Rand cheating (aka drinking when they explicitly agreed not to!) and so she’s decided to take a break from him. Last night, Lala talks about her relationship history, Carter fights against Kristen and Stassi over their characterization of his relationship, and Ariana is done talking about her not wanting a kid. Who rose and fell in last night’s episode of Vanderpump Rules?

12. Lala (last week’s ranking: 11)

Lala reveals to us that her breakup (shown on last week’s Vanderpump Rules) with Randall was over for less than twenty-four hours, and (thank God) she got her Gucci slides back. Of course, once she got her shoes back (and he threatened to cut her off) she forgave him.

Lala also mentions that the next night will be the premiere of Randall’s next movie – starring Lala! It’s a “small independent” movie which translates to roughly trash. She also informs us that she plays a prude and so she had to figure out how to get into that mindset (I’m surprised she didn’t have an aneurysm).

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Later, Lala tells Katie she’s actually the lead of this movie and it’s a horror movie. So it’s now guaranteed that this movie will be atrocious and Rand was doing it as a favor to his booty call.

In fact, when Stassi and Lala have a hair appointment where Lala details how she and Randall met. Apparently, Randall asked for Lala’s number and she referred him to her Instagram (which was just her bare ass as the profile picture). This got her an audition to the room, which in turn got her out with Randall.

She also tells Stassi that the night she and Randall first consummated the relationship, he bought her a Range Rover the next day. She also goes into shocking detail about the two’s bouts of role-playing and doing sexual acts that are not fit to print. However, I’d like to note that Stassi’s face of shock, but with a hint of intrigue, is the same look my girlfriend has during this discussion.

This is confirmed when the girls talk after Lala’s movie premiere. Of course, they all gush about how Lala was the best part of the whole movie, but honestly, that just confirms to me that the movie was atrocious given the “acting” skills she displayed earlier in the season.

This movie has a 3.3 rating on IMDB, 22% audience approval on Rotten Tomatoes, and no critic score. That means no self-respecting critic could be compelled to drag him or herself to the theater (or was invited to the premiere) of this piece of garbage starring Lala Kent as the lead opposite Randy Couture?? I might have to hate-watch this movie over the weekend just to see how terrible it is.