A dude’s Vanderpump Rules power rankings Season 7, Episode 21

VANDERPUMP RULES -- "Brittany and the Beast" Episode 720 -- Pictured: (l-r) Tom Schwartz, Stassi Schroeder, Katie Maloney-Schwartz -- (Photo by: Nicole Weingart/Bravo)
VANDERPUMP RULES -- "Brittany and the Beast" Episode 720 -- Pictured: (l-r) Tom Schwartz, Stassi Schroeder, Katie Maloney-Schwartz -- (Photo by: Nicole Weingart/Bravo) /
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VANDERPUMP RULES — “Brittany and the Beast” Episode 720 — Pictured: (l-r) Katie Maloney-Schwartz, Tom Schwartz — (Photo by: Nicole Weingart/Bravo)
VANDERPUMP RULES — “Brittany and the Beast” Episode 720 — Pictured: (l-r) Katie Maloney-Schwartz, Tom Schwartz — (Photo by: Nicole Weingart/Bravo) /

4. Lala (last week’s ranking: 2)

Brittany has to have “the talk” with Lala because she was not included among the bridesmaids. Lala responds with a gift for her: a trip and private jet to Cabo San Lucas. It’s an incredibly nice gesture that makes Brittany feel like crap for not including Lala.

I start desperately screaming at my television “just swap her in for Kristen!” Alas, Brittany never learns, but the two girls hug it out and do that squealing scream thing in happiness for Brittany.

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You know, I gave Lala a lot of grief for her early performance this season, but she finished the year off strong. Sober looks good on her.

3. Schwartz (last week’s ranking: 9)

In talking to Adam, Schwartz tells us that he has realized the key to a happy relationship is to not resist. Just give in, capitulate, and not try to be happy yourself.

I know this is an old joke/mantra “happy wife, happy life,” but the lifeless look in Schwartz’s eyes shows he’s dead serious. Like, how horrible is your life if you have absolutely no agency or control and just go along with your wife’s every desire. Sounds awful. Now if you’ll excuse me I’m going to ask my girlfriend if I’m allowed to have another cookie tonight (update: I was not).

Schwartz gets this high in the rankings because he initiates in the greatest scene of the whole episode, and possibly the whole season. He and Sandoval convince Lisa Vanderpump to do a beer bong.