5 crazy moments from Lifetime’s Smuggling in Suburbia

Shocktober film #2 brings us a regular girl joining a diamond smuggling ring, because that happens? Check out 5 crazy moments from Smuggling in Suburbia.

I admit I wasn’t super familiar with Lifetime Movie Network movies. I generally stick with the regular Lifetime channel, but Smuggling in Suburbia and last night’s Working Mom’s Nightmare have shown me two critical differences between the channels.

One, LMN movies are pretty grim, more on this later. Two, the endings are super abrupt. I guess I’m used to the cheesy epilogues at the end of every Lifetime movie. But at least they tell you what happened to everyone!

Anyway, Shocktober continued tonight with Smuggling in Suburbia, the story of a high school girl who gets caught in an illegal diamond smuggling operation. When I was in high school, I just watched One Tree Hill a lot.

Is Smuggling in Suburbia based on a true story? As far as we know, no. But the folks at TV Crime Sky did compile a couple of potential inspirations if you want to check it out.

This movie gets pretty wild, we’re charting the top five craziest moments.

5. A peek behind the camera lens.

How do two guys in their twenties start a diamond smuggling ring? They use fancy camera lenses to stash their diamonds and then hire hot girls as “professional couriers” to bring them to different places in the country.

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Upon finding this out, you’d think Joanie would be like, “Nope, I’m outta here.” Instead, she decides to get into the business for real. She does it so she can help raise money for her brother’s surgery, but still. There are much better ways to do fundraising, don’t you think?

4. Bye-bye Sharnae.

Sharnae’s murder might have been one of the most violent scenes I’ve seen on Lifetime. I mean, it’s over fast, but I’m not sure I’ve ever seen someone get their throat slit in a Lifetime movie before. Sharnae thought it wouldn’t be a big deal if she stole one little diamond. At first, it looks like Danny is going to let it slide.

Not entirely, he is a psychopath, after all. He whips out his little knife and murders Sharnae in the kitchen. Alison is sitting beside her when it happens, and she’s so freaked out she pees herself, and the camera zooms in on it. Brutal.

Most disturbing of all? Alison is only freaked out for all of two scenes before she switches gears back to, “I’m still your girl, right Danny?” Come to the end of the film, we don’t even know what happens to Alison.

3. Joanie and Alison get mugged.

In one random scene after Sharnae’s death, Joanie and Alison get mugged by two random guys. Surprisingly, Joanie is the one who jumps into gear to make sure they don’t lose Danny’s money.

Alison is fine with leaving but given she’s the one who witnessed Sharnae’s death (Joanie never found out) you’d think she would want to do whatever it took to keep Danny pleased. Regardless, Alison picks up a giant steel pipe and beats both the men with it. Her quick thinking puts her in Danny’s good graces, for a little while, at least.

2. Joanie makes a deal with the feds.

If you read the synopsis for Smuggling in Suburbia, then you knew this was going to happen. Joanie’s mother catches on that her daughter is up to no good, and together they go to the feds to make a deal.

Joanie turns on Danny and even convinces Tucker to turn on his best friend and partner too. Unfortunately, Danny crashes the party and isn’t too happy with his former partner-in-crime.

1. Tucker dies. Joanie cries.

The ending scene of this movie frustrated me. Danny walks in with a tiny knife, and EVERYONE JUST STANDS THERE. They could have easily run and called the cops. He didn’t have a gun. He had that stupid knife! You literally can’t help but laugh when he whips it out. Tucker lets himself get stabbed (and it is super homoerotic by the way with Danny whispering, “you like that?” into his ear. Maybe they were partner partners). Like, why dude?

Again, I reiterate, ALL HE HAD WAS A LITTLE KNIFE AND IT WAS THREE TO ONE. I’m sure that things could have gone down way differently. As it stands, Tucker dies. Ultimately Joanie’s mom takes care of Danny. The last scene of the movie is Joanie crying over Tucker’s body. I admit their final moment of them recalling all the plans they made for the future was surprisingly heartbreaking.

What did you think of Smuggling in Suburbia? Were you shocked by the moments we listed? Let us know your thoughts in the comments below!

Don’t miss out on Abducted: The Mary Stauffer Story on Lifetime tonight at 8:00 p.m. ET!