The five biggest atrocities leaving Netflix in December

NEW YORK - NOVEMBER 04: Actors Cameron Diaz and James Marsden attend "The Box" New York premiere at the AMC Lincoln Square on November 4, 2009 in New York City. (Photo by Stephen Lovekin/Getty Images)
NEW YORK - NOVEMBER 04: Actors Cameron Diaz and James Marsden attend "The Box" New York premiere at the AMC Lincoln Square on November 4, 2009 in New York City. (Photo by Stephen Lovekin/Getty Images) /
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Sometimes a movie is overly complex and ends up being stupid. Other times, a movie has zero complexity and is still stupid.

The final two atrocities being removed from the Netflix library are wise decisions for opposite reasons.

The Box

You know those songs that never seem to have lyrics other than the chorus? The ones where a single line is delivered before the chorus hits you another 35 times like the droning of a mosquito that buzzes away for one second before returning over and over again? That’s The Box.

Instead of the half-hour television episode it should have been, viewers are water-boarded for nearly two hours by a pretentious movie that obviously received no editing. If you buy the DVD or the Blu-ray, don’t expect any deleted scenes or extras. Absolutely everything has to be included already.

The reality of the situation is, the majority of people who receive a box with the promise of $1 million in exchange for the death of someone they don’t know will slam down on the button like they’re playing dominoes with Ice Cube. The fact that Norma and Arthur Lewis (Cameron Diaz and James Marsden, respectively), go on and on and on about the decision is what makes this film so unbearable. Well, that and the fact that Diaz should have stopped getting leading lady roles a day after Gangs of New York.

Rodeo and Juliet

Hahahaha! Someone actually thought this title was clever? This is worse than Boaty McBoatface. Also, the best actor in the movie is the horse.

Netflix ditching other bombs. dark. Next

Thank you, leaders of Netflix for ensuring we all have a Merry Christmas and won’t accidentally see any of these bombs.