My Feet Are Killing Me Season 1, Episode 6: First to worst
My Feet Are Killing Me returns for an episode called “ET Fingers.” Since this gorgeous duo are podiatrists, we can only hope this means super long toes.
We’re back again on My Feet Are Killing Me, where literally nobody starts out on the right food. Dr. Ebonie Vincent continues to moonlight as a podiatrist while the modeling career takes off, and Dr. Brad Schaeffer takes a break from Baywatch casting to perform toe surgeries.
Let’s kick it!
3. Where have we seen Nick before?
Remember Giana from last episode? Well here comes Nick, and I seriously question their mother at this point. Someone immediately call CPS and check their house. Mommy Dearest is not doing her job and caring for these children. I’m dead serious.
Nick has big toes with extra long toenails that just need clipping. The bad nails are pushing against his shoes, and getting sandwiched against the healthy nails. Every clip from Dr. Brad causes Nick to flinch, and it’s clear Nick’s mother never showed them how to use nail clippers. Ultimately, this case comes down to a $25 pedicure or a $25 co-pay, and Nick’s mother wanted to get more screen time.
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2. Vakho’s ET fingers
You know when you reach into a bag of shelled peanuts and find that one super long peanut with three nuts inside? Well, that’s basically Vakho’s index toes.
This procedure goes exactly as you’d expect. The middle peanut needs to be shortened so the number one and number three peanuts are closer, and the index toe is similar in length to the big toe. What I didn’t expect, however, was them drilling a k-wire through his entire dissected toe. Vakho needs to be extra special around end-tables for the foreseeable future.
1. Brian’s Big Toe
Brian starts out by saying he has a girlfriend, just to prove he does.
He was once told he needs to get a “Little piggy went to Chernobyl”-tattoo. Instead he got a “Rest in Peace”-tattoo for his index toe that was cut off as a child. Much respect. Pour one out for my homie. During the episode he grills for his brother, and everyone thanks the Lord it’s not sausage. He’s hoping the Dr. says “It’s not a tumor.”
Even though it’s not a tumor, Dr. Ebonie says one of the potential choices is literally removing all his toes. That causes Brad to nearly soil himself, so the second course of action of de-bulking is selected. X-rays later make that choice null and void, which leaves two options: amputation of the big toe, or amputation of all toes (because of a potential transfer of toe infections). Tough choice, but COA #1 is the choice.
Mid-surgery it looks like Brian toe-kicked a landmine. Not for the squeamish at all. The surgery is a success, but he’ll never be able to count to 19 again.
Next. My Feet Are Killing Me: The Circus Episode!. dark
Cherish your toes and feet for yet another week. My Feet Are Killing Me returns next Thursday with more ready-made circus careers.