31 thoughts I had while watching Seinfeld for the first time
By Reed Gaudens
Yada, yada, yada… A first-time Seinfeld watcher puts the series to the test and reacts to the pilot episode of the classic NBC comedy.
We all have our pop culture blind spots. Maybe you’ve never seen an episode of Game of Thrones, maybe you’ve managed to steer clear of all nine Star Wars films. There’s something missing from each of our pop culture lexicons, and for this rampant fan of NBC’s Must See TV sitcoms, it’s Seinfeld. I’ve seen every episode of Friends more than thrice, I’m binge-watching Frasier, and I recap Will & Grace every week. But I’ve never celebrated Festivus or understood “No soup for you!,” even though the game-changing comedy has been on television for my entire life.
Actually, the headline is a lie. I have watched Seinfeld before. Please, who doesn’t know that theme music or hasn’t heard those classic soundbites? Thanks to its omnipresence in syndication, I’ve watched the Season 4-episode “The Junior Mint.” That’s it. That’s the only episode I have seen from start to finish and can recall with any clarity. But it’s true that I have never watched the series from the beginning and don’t understand many of its popular quotes. Well, that changes today. Here are 31 thoughts about the pilot episode from a Seinfeld first timer.
1. We’re jumping right into the stand-up. Jerry opens with a monologue relishing in the joy of being out of your home: “Out is one of the single most enjoyable experiences of life.” Is it, though?
2. “There are people trying to find us, they don’t know where we are.” Not anymore! Technology and social media went ahead and rendered privacy null and void. Honestly, Jerry’s act is still completely relatable, and that’s truly the point of ‘90s stand-up, right?
3. Jerry’s now ranting about the positioning of buttons on George’s purple button-down, which he defends purchasing. Let him live his best purple shirt life, Jerry!
4. Here we go: Jerry’s got it bad for a girl who isn’t so into him. (They’re more than likely not going to tip this waitress enough for the hell they’re putting her through.)
5. Unpopular opinion: There aren’t enough laundromat scenes in modern sitcoms.
6. Jerry still isn’t picking up on this girl’s signals, and George is ANXIOUS about it. Instead, I’m picking up on a friendship dynamic that’s going to run through the whole series.
7. George’s purple shirt doesn’t match with his olive green blazer. I’m circling back and siding with Jerry on the purchase of this shirt. Although, you could get away with mismatched ensembles in the ‘80s and ‘90s. Intentional or unintentional kitsch was all part of the aesthetic.
8. Okay, Jerry really thinks he’s making some points with this reach from not being able to over-dry clothes to not being able to die twice. The three women behind him have had ENOUGH.
9. Ah, this explains how and why we’re always losing socks! (If you know, you know.)
10. They don’t make TV apartments like this anymore. They just don’t! They’re usually either a modern Pinterest board of Urban Outfitters and IKEA explosions or so quaint and “vintage” it’s like a chic thrift shop with an unmade bed in the corner. This is exactly what it needs to be.
11. Kramer makes his introduction in a bathrobe, spoiling the Mets game for Jerry. I feel like that tells us everything we need to know about who he is.
12. Correction: Pulling two slices of bread out of his robe pockets and asking Jerry for meat tells us everything we need to know about Kramer.
13. Is Jerry the Monica of Seinfeld? Everyone drops into his apartment and raids his fridge?
14. Kramer hasn’t left the building in 10 years? Is that a joke or real?
15. Wait, Jerry’s going to pick up this girl at the airport and let her stay at his place? Boy, you’re in for a world of pain! George isn’t going to like this.
16. The irony imbedded in this episode feels so natural. Current sitcoms, especially multicams, can have trouble tapping into this kind of situational irony since comedies became more earnest and less slapstick in the age of peak TV. It can often feel contrived and forced rather than organic.
17. George’s fashion choices in this episode have been *chef’s kiss,* and I hope they continue to be quirky throughout the series. An orange bowling tee with a gray beret?! Come on!
18. Wait, are those pins on the pocket? Is he in a bowling league? *crosses fingers*
19. As expected, George does not like this.
20. Hold on… Where is Julia Louis-Dreyfus?
21. “You keep me posted.” “I’m aware of you.” This early one-sided tension between George and Kramer is incredible and feels influential for sitcom friendships to follow in Seinfeld’s footsteps.
22. Jerry doesn’t have and has never needed cotton balls. Wow, this incisive commentary (not sarcasm) has opened my eyes to an inconsequential yet interesting conversation. Comedy doesn’t tackle the issues like this anymore (sarcasm).
23. George and Jerry are discussing the social cues involved in picking up Jerry’s date from the airport. It’s actually fascinating. Where do these rules come from? Who decided that someone putting their bags down before greeting another person is a good sign for romantic prospects? Do we hear these things and subconsciously apply them to our social mores? I mean, the bags-down thing does weirdly make sense, as does a “hand sandwich.”
24. Laura did not greet Jerry with any greeting he and George discussed. Yikes.
25. Poor Jerry thinks he’s getting good vibes from Laura, but she seems like she’s just inventing Airbnb and drinking his wine. Look, she’s even getting phone calls at his place. She’s not looking for love here.
26. She’s engaged! Already looking forward to the laugh George will have over this.
27. “Men don’t understand women” jokes… Personally, generalizations about men and women and heterosexual dating have never been my stand-up comedy cup of tea. Nikki Glaser and Iliza Shlesinger have mastered the art nowadays, but most men (most, not all) just seem… whiny and unwilling to make an effort.
Next. 23 thoughts I had while watching Glee for the first time. dark
28. Truthfully, Jerry’s riffing on the battle of the sexes in the dating world is — ahem — dated, BUT not horribly dated or offensive, as some jokes from sitcoms past typically are. But did men 30 years ago seriously honk their horns at women in an attempt to ask them out?
29. I feel cheated that we didn’t see George’s reaction to the news that Laura is engaged. He’d feel so vindicated! He’d also be pretty annoyed that he wasted his time driving to the airport.
30. I’m also surprised that Julia Louis-Dreyfus doesn’t make her first appearance as Elaine in the pilot. I don’t want this to be true, but I wonder if they added her later on because the network brass felt they needed a “female perspective” in the main cast. (Note: It’s true.) No matter, we’re lucky she arrived and became a star nonetheless!
31. Consensus: Although I’m not usually drawn to series with majority male leads (this is just my own experience), I’d totally see myself binge-watching Seinfeld. It’s the kind of cozy throwback sitcom that makes the world we’re living in today disappear — if only for 22 minutes.
Seinfeld currently streams on Hulu but will move to Netflix in 2021.