Zoey’s Extraordinary Playlist: An extraordinary message on grief

Zoey’s Extraordinary Playlist Season 1, Episode 11, “Zoey’s Extraordinary Mother” reminded viewers of something very important: There’s no right or wrong way to grieve, and no matter how prepared you think you are, it’s ok to feel overwhelmed.

Zoey’s Extraordinary Playlist has been consistent in its message about how art—especially music and dance—can help people express their feelings in ways that words never can. That has been an especially important point, given Mitch Clarke’s PSP, which has rendered him unable to communicate without the help of Zoey’s gift.

As the series’ first season has progressed, so has Mitch’s disease. With that progression has come an increased awareness of the family’s need to cope with each new low, while attempting to prepare for the next phase.

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At this point in Zoey’s Extraordinary Playlist Season 1, Mitch is nearing the final phases of illness, which can only be followed by loss. Because the Clarkes know what’s coming, episode 11 opens at a funeral home, where Maggie, Zoey, and David attempt to make arrangements.

But the choices are overwhelming, and Maggie breaks out into a heart song so powerful, it takes over everyone else shopping for coffins:”We Gotta Get Out of This Place.” Some decisions, no matter how much you think you’re prepared to make, are just impossible.

Even without the heart song, Mary Steenburgen’s faraway look as her character tells Zoey, “I’m fine, honey,” is all it takes to express that Maggie is not remotely fine. Quite the opposite.

Zoey tries to help—it is, after all, what her gift demands of her—but, perhaps more than ever, she’s out of her depth. There are too many choices to be made, and Maggie is terrified of making the wrong one. Despite having known what was coming for some time, Zoey’s mom just isn’t ready. Really, how could she be?

"I never could’ve imagined that it would happen this fast. No one did. And now, I’ve got to go back to that stupid place and pick out burial plots. I can’t even pick out the linen for the coffin liner. I mean, it’s just a lot. It’s a lot, Zoey."

No matter how much empathy her gift has given her, or how much pain she anticipates in losing Mitch herself, Zoey just can’t ease her mom’s burden. She goes back to the funeral home but can’t really accomplish anything…until she meets Deb (Bernadette Peters).

Despite visiting her late husband’s grave, Deb’s heart song is Nina Simone’s “Feelin’ Good.” After witnessing this bittersweet performance of the classic and recognizing her on yet another trip to the funeral home, Zoey enlists Deb’s help.

Deb was the first of her friends to lose her husband and has now supported the rest of her group during each person’s unique grieving process. While Maggie is initially hesitant to discuss what she’s going through with a perfect stranger, she soon finds it easy to open up to someone who’s been there before and is more than willing to help.

"I think that what’s happening is, every single one of these decisions just feels like it’s moving me a little closer to…to him being gone. And to it all being real."

Deb is able to remind Maggie that the decisions about flowers and coffins don’t really matter and will never be perfect. The best Maggie, or any of us, can do is just keep moving along. Because whether we’re ready or not, loss is going to come.

"Well, it is. It’s very real, babe, and no one can take that burden from you. It’s just something you gotta wear, like a giant, cinder-block sweater…I could give you a big lecture on all the things you gain from loss—empathy, appreciation, strength, resilience—but we just gotta get you through this first….Here’s the hard part, Miss Maggie: It’s not up to you. It’s an awful train that doesn’t make stops, and it’s going whether you want it to or not. Still, if makes you feel any better, I’ve been on it for a quite awhile now, and you’re welcome to come sit next to me any time you want."

After meeting with Deb and sharing in a little bit of her “feelin’ good,” Maggie is able to make the funeral plans she has struggled with throughout Zoey’s Extraordinary Playlist Season 1, Episode 11. Her arrangements might not be what someone else may have chosen, and they may not be exactly perfect. But they’re what’s right for Maggie, for right now.

Zoey’s Extraordinary Playlist has been excellent at reminding viewers that there are certain experiences that we all face, no matter who we are. In “Zoey’s Extraordinary Mother,” the series’ cast and crew further the message on heartbreak to let us know it’s perfectly fine if we experience it differently than others; in fact, the one thing we all have in common is just how individualized and uncommon our methods of grieving are.

There’s also no perfect way to be there for someone who’s hurting from a loss, whether they saw it coming or not. Sometimes, though, all it takes is someone saying they’ll be a friend and offer to sit beside you. No one should suffer alone, as even Joan—of all people—exhibited in this episode. Let’s hope at least one viewer felt a little less alone because of it.

Don’t miss the Zoey’s Extraordinary Playlist finale on May 3 at 9/8c, on NBC. We anticipate needing tissues.