Every Simpsons Ever: “Bart the General”

Episode 5: “Bart the General”

Ah, a true David vs. Goliath tale. It is Episode 5 in which viewers are first introduced to Springfield Elementary bully Nelson Muntz. Before even a glimpse of his visage, it is made clear that Nelson’s reputation precedes him.  Lisa’s treasured home-made cupcakes are squashed by a schoolyard thug. But when Bart strikes out in revenge, Lisa warns him that the assailant is a friend of Nelson Muntz. And with that, a villain is born. A silence befalls the students. A cold wind blows. Then, Nelson makes himself known. Bart picked the wrong fight. Luckily, he’s saved by the bell.

Throughout the day, Bart’s doom looms ever-nearer. He listlessly day-dreams about his impending torment, imagining a giant Nelson swallowing him whole. Bart’s only solace comes from the other kids who dub him the “Bully Killer,” a nickname Bart would just as soon forget. And then, the bell rings.  It’s 3:00, and Bart must leave the safety of his school.

“You made me bleed my own blood.” – Nelson Muntz

But, a full school day isn’t enough to make Nelson forget their appointment. Bart dashes out of school, rounding a corner to safety. Alas, he bumps right into his tormentor, and then Nelson starts a-pummeling. And it doesn’t end there. While Bart makes a pretty good argument about the lesson he’s learned, Nelson schedules another beating and sends Bart rolling home in a trashcan.

Back at the Simpson house, Bart’s parents give him well-intentioned but completely adverse advice. Marge, ever the pacifist, insists that Bart can reason with Nelson. She predicts the bully is a frustrated “chunker” who does poorly in class but would respond well to conversation. Homer, on the other hand, instructs Bart in the ancient Simpson tradition of fighting dirty. The Simpson patriarch tells Bart to fling mud in Nelson’s eyes, and, if possible, “go for the family jewels.”

The next day, a reinvigorated Bart utilizes Homer’s tips. He flings mud in Nelson’s eyes, which only further infuriates the bully. A now peak-angry Nelson pummels Bart again, and sends him home rolling home in a trashcan once more.

Defeated, Bart turns to his sister Lisa for advice. She advises Bart to take the matter up with the toughest Simpson alive, Grandpa (he did, after all, put up quite the fight when they put him in the home). And so with that, Bart makes his way to the retirement home, where everyone is named Grandpa.

“I am disgusted with the way old people are depicted on television. We are not all vibrant, fun-loving sex maniacs.” – Grandpa Simpson

At the behest of his grandfather, Bart seeks counsel at Herman’s Military Antiques.  Here, Herman, a one-armed war-crazed antique dealer, starts helping Bart strategize. With a military-precision plan in tow, Bart militarizes his fellow classmates.  Everyone who has ever been tormented by Nelson Muntz bands together for a military training montage. And now, with his tactical strategy and allies with him, Bart finally exacts his revenge on Nelson Muntz via water balloon bombardment.

FIRSTS

• Nelson Muntz
• Herman

GAGS

• No chalkboard gag
• No couch gag

Episode 5 is one of two Simpsons episodes that features neither a couch gag, nor a chalkboard gag. For the other example, stay tuned for Season 1, Episode 9 “Life in the Fast Lane,” which also features an abbreviated opening sequence.