Top 10 things to do while watching My 600-lb Life

Let’s talk about amount of time spent cleaning and talking on My 600-lb Life.

With great weight comes great responsibility. A responsibility to lift flaps and folds to avoid welts, mold, and lost trinkets. Accordingly, My 600-lb Life spends a good amount of time displaying the cumbersome cleaning routines for each of Dr. Now’s patients.

10. Calculate the baby powder to weight ratio.

Exactly how much baby powder does each person on the show use? Keeping things dry is paramount to cleanliness, and there is a bunch of skin surface to cover. Is it one container a day? One a week? If nobody is around to help can it just be thrown into the air? Can they roll over fast enough after the toss in the air to cover their own back?

9. Ask yourself how much money you would need to be filmed showering.

How much money are they offered to show the shower scene? It’s likely not enough. The amount of screen blurring obscenity is extra embarrassing, and has to be crushing for their respective psyches. And that doesn’t even get into the fact that a thorough washing can only be accomplished with a rag on a stick.

8. Try to talk like Dr. Now.

Dr. Younan Nowzaradan is the star. It’s all tough love, zero tolerance for BS, and a peculiar blend of fairly emotionless medical expertise and charm. If you don’t try to imitate how he speaks, you’re just not trying hard enough to love this show.

• “You are bringin da food. You are helpin’ him. To killin’ him. Why doin’ dat?”
• “Dis very bad situatshun.”
• “Deez are not on da diet.”
• “You do yur part. Or I’m tru wid you.”

He’s a straight savage.