This Is Us recap: season 3 episode 13 “Our Little Island Girl”

Last week on This Is Us, Randall returned home from his trip to find Uncle Nicky to learn that Beth’s mom has hurt her hip and that she and Zoe are leaving for D.C. immediately to see her.

This week on This Is Us, Carol Clarke (Phylicia Rashad) stalks the hallways of the high school of which she is the Principal. She tidies cork boards and scolds favorite students, holding everything and everyone to high standards. One student proudly tells her that he got a B on one of his tests, improving from a C on the last one. Carol is unimpressed and tells him to get an A next time. We can see exactly what kind of mom she must have been. Classes let out and Carol gets jammed up against the stair railing, bruising her hip.

Beth and Zoe make their way to D.C., reminiscing about their childhoods and singing along to TLC’s “What About Your Friends.” Beth and Zoe plan to talk to Carol about retiring, but Zoe knows how Beth has a tendency to “clam up” when she has to confront her mother. Case in point, Beth was laid off months ago and hasn’t told Carol yet.

We can see from one of Beth’s early memories that Carol is just as domineering as we would have guessed. But her dad Abe (Carl Lumbly) is almost the opposite – loving and playful, a dreamer like Beth. Beth secretly auditioned for a spot at a prestigious dance academy and got in. Her dad is all for it, while her mother is focused more on Beth’s chances for success. It is an expensive school and Carol needs it to pay off for her. The director of the academy, Vincent Kelley (Goran Visnjic) thinks that Beth could be the first African American principal dancer in the American Ballet Theater. Carol argues about the odds, but Abe says when did they ever listen to the odds? Beth could dance before she could walk, she’s meant for this.

Beth and Zoe arrive at Carol’s house, who warms up some dinner for them. Beth tries her best to approach the idea of retirement to her mom, but finds it difficult not to talk around the subject. Zoe is the one who actually says they need to talk about retirement. Carol is very judgemental about Zoe being a documentarian, thinking that its not a real job. Beth defends her and ends up telling Carol she got laid off. As expected, Carol intends to spearhead Beth’s job search.

As Beth grows up and continues to dance, she’s not doing quite well enough to get the solo and become a prima ballerina. She promises she’ll work extra hard and starts putting in more hours and Vincent gives her his support. But at home, Abe has been diagnosed with lung cancer, which Beth thinks is her fault for making him work too hard to pay for her dancing. Carol is the kind of woman to give the news and go back to life as if nothing has happened. Beth and Zoe are devastated, but have no choice but to do things her way.

A new girl in class has Beth doubting herself. Beth has to work so hard to be good, but it just comes naturally to this girl. We know that Beth could dance before she could walk, but her dad tells her it was more than that. Beth was 18 months old before that moment when she danced and her mother was so scared that Beth would never walk at all. She’s the girl who danced before she walked. That’s who she is, and she should never forget it.

Beth and Zoe can’t sleep after their evening with Carol. Who knows how long ago, Zoe hid a joint in a bag behind “Big Mama’s” portrait on the wall and its still good. Beth and Zoe light up in the laundry room and they have a heart to heart. Beth never understood how Zoe could stand up to Carol and challenge her the way she does. Zoe’s history of abuse meant that she knew Carol could never hurt her worse than she’d already been hurt, so it gave her courage. With Beth, Zoe can see that there’s something big going on with her and that she needs to talk about it before she explodes.

Beth has an imaginary conversation with her dad, telling him how she did forget who she was, that girl who danced before she walked. But that she’ll be happy, and a find great love with a man who reminds her so much of him that its scary – but that she couldn’t be that dancing girl without him.

Beth’s dad died, probably around the same time that Jack died, and in the end she didn’t get the solo in the showcase. Carol tells Beth that she tried her best, but that her best will never land her in a company and that she needs to start looking at other options. Beth is already doubly devastated and doesn’t have much strength to argue. She may not have made it as a prima ballerina, but that doesn’t mean she wouldn’t have found a place in the corps de ballet somewhere. But Carol didn’t want to watch her fail and didn’t consider the possibility of her succeeding.

Beth does resent her mother for taking that away from her, from taking the dreamer and the dancer out of her. She tells Carol that she doesn’t want her help looking for jobs. Pushing her kids to work hard is one thing, but making them feel ashamed to dream and ashamed to fail is harmful. Beth can’t even tell Randall that she wants to dance again because she feels ashamed to have the idea.

Beth ended up going to college instead of continuing with dance. Carol drops her off at a freshman college mixer and that’s when “Bethany” decided to become “Beth.” She literally runs into Randall first thing, but is too distracted to think much about him – but Randall is already dreaming those big dreams.

Beth and Carol share an awkward breakfast the next morning. Carol tells her that she was always too serious, had too many worries, worked too hard, but that Abe helped to balance that out. Abe didn’t take life so seriously, and gave her that air – the room to breathe – that Beth says she lacks. She doesn’t know if she made the right decision or not, but Abe was gone and she had to do something. For Beth, she doesn’t regret the path she took because it led her to Randall and her girls.

When Beth gets home she looks Randall in the eye and says she’s ready to tell him what she wants to do next. She looks happy and free. Randall drops her off at a local dance studio. Beth has a moment where she says what she’s doing is crazy and that everyone else will think its crazy. Randall stops her and says, “Child please, when have we ever listen to people?” Its one of those moments where Randall reminds her of her dad. “When have we ever listened to the odds?” Beth goes in and finds an empty dance studio to warm up. She’s still got it, and by the end of her dance she has this wild and free look in her eye. One of the dance intructors comes in and says that the beginner class starts in 20 minutes but that she’d be bored to tears. Beth says she actually had something else in mind. She wants to teach.