A dude’s Vanderpump Rules power rankings Season 7, Episode 13
By Josh Tyler
11. Kristen (last week’s ranking: 12)
After going to see Lala’s movie, Kristen tells the girls that things with Carter have gotten magically better, but the girls, especially Katie, call her out on some of Carter’s past indiscretions. In particular, she mentions one time where he went on vacation with her wallet!
How did Kristen allow Carter to leave her alone with no money, not immediately freeze all her cards, and change the locks? How is that not an immediate breakup?? My girlfriend does, however, say that what Carter did to Kristen is basically what Lala does to Randall for their entire relationship, which is true and confirms my call of “gold digger” from the last episode.
Kristen basically responds by lying and deflecting. Eventually, she tells us that she’s getting old, she doesn’t want to be old and alone, and so she’s sticking with Carter. I know I rag on her constantly, but that’s just the saddest thing I’ve ever heard.
Later in the episode, Kristen tells us that Beau’s mom – who is a relationship counselor – is coming by to do a therapy session/workshop where all of her friends are joining them. This is a mongoose letting a bunch of vipers into her house.
Regardless, everyone begins filing into Kristen and Carter’s ratty little apartment, waiting to hear from a trained professional that they’re all psychotic. My girlfriend would like me to note that everyone who is in attendance is dressed ridiculously. I would like to note that Jax is not in attendance when he’s the one who needs it most.
Mama Beau tells us that the reptilian brain is the brain that comes online when threatened and becoming emotional, which is why people may tend to lash out emotionally in anger when fighting. So every single girl there starts to recount times when they’ve fought and lashed out because of their reptilian brain. Mama Beau also drops a dope Alien vs. Predator reference.
Kristen actually seems to benefit from the workshop and realize that she does behave off her reptilian brain. However, as we’ll discuss in a moment, that realization will just make her – somehow – even more insufferable.