The five biggest atrocities leaving Netflix in April

Raw is the definition of under-cooked.

Raw, not to be confused with the great Raw Deal with Arnold Schwarzenegger, is a French take on cannibalism, vegetarianism, and zombies. Or something.

It’s art-house nonsense made by film snobs for film snobs. Pure award hunting garbage without cohesion or real entertainment value. A vegetarian girl goes to college and tastes meat for the first time, and it completely changes her. Kind of like this kid.

Now replace bacon with raw chicken, someone’s finger, a boy’s lip, and a car crash victim. In the end, there is a murder absolutely nobody cares about and a resolution that too closely resembles Teen Wolf to be a coincidence.

Sex and the City: The Movie

Whereas Raw is a movie about sucking meat off the bone, Sex and the City: The Movie sucks, and has no meat on the bone. There hasn’t been a worse television-to-film translation since A Night at the Roxbury. 

The story is well known enough to skip the details but suffice to say, anybody who believes the foursome in this film should be wearing what they wear or could be getting the men they get, is more oblivious than the characters themselves.

To be fair, the majority of one- and two-star reviews are related to poor DVD or Blu-ray quality. If we could all be so lucky.

Thank you, Netflix from the bottom of my heart. You’ve finally removed a few titles that have offended everyone with eyes and good sense.