The best WTF moments and quotes from Archer: 1999, Episode 3

Eggs for dinner

While the panic about their dwindling food supply grows, Pam reveals that she began eating the creature’s eggs “almost immediately” and that they give you a really good high. After some testing, Krieger discovers the eggs have neurological-enhancing properties, more and more of the crew begin to chow down on the odd eggs. Even as Krieger says that eating the eggs could cause “brainophelia” a sexual syndrome he just made up.

Lana and Sterling soon notice that the rest of the crew does seem to be in better spirits after eating the eggs. Cyril, for instance, is calmer and more assertive (scaring Archer because for once he is not the Alpha to Cyril), causing the two to decide to eat the eggs.

After scanning the crew members, Krieger deduces that the eggs are not only highly addictive, but they also reduce limitations of inhibitions. Cyril became more relaxed, Archer and Lana begin having a lot of sex, Ray starts to open up about his desire to write music, Pam wants to become the leader, and Cheryl…well she has no inhibitions so the eggs don’t really affect her.

However, an unfortunate result of this is that the crew has been off boning/playing the piano/laying in a hammock and didn’t notice there is an enemy vessel closing in on them. Mallory realizes that the ship will be caught by their pursuers if they don’t get rid of the eggs and orders Sterling and Lana to dump the stash so everyone comes to their senses to defend the ship. Although Lana tries to get rid of the critter and all the eggs, the rest of the crew (including Archer) restrain her.

Ultimately, it’s Cheryl who blows all the eggs and the critter out of the air-lock. She notes that the eggs did, in fact, elicit her greatest desire: to make all of her crew-mates miserable.

Seemingly doomed, the crew turns to accept their fate as the pursuing ship closes in. But then, in a surprise, it’s revealed the ship is actually piloted by their old friend Brett, who has been looking for the crew to give them some much-needed supplies. Of course, in true Brett-fashion, his ship collides with the mass of eggs Cheryl just jettisoned into space, exploding in a fiery wreck. Classic Brett.

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Best quotes

"Lana: It ate all our food! Cyril: Our food?! [Sprinting off] But that’s what we eat!"

Archer is at its best when it’s making those stupid, obvious, deadpan jokes. As is the case here.

"Pam: [After giving out orders to the crew] Now I’m off to stride somewhere…with purpose"

This is great. I’m taking it and using it it’s mine now.

"Krieger: [Holding a bunch of the alien’s eggs and promising the crew he won’t try to study them] We’re going to have such adventures together. Lana: [Watching him leave] Yeah that won’t come back to haunt us."

Who is he even talking to? The random, unhatched alien eggs in his arms? Also, Lana is always right.

"Krieger: I could discover the secret of regeneration. [Chuckles] And they called me mad. Mallory: Who did? Krieger: Huh. Oh, I guess I just assumed. Mallory: Fair bet."

I mean, this is the man who (in another reality) created a hybrid pig-boy. So yeah, fair bet.

"Lana: [Hearing Ray playing piano] Sounds like a keyboard double-crossed the Yakuza."

I don’t even know what this means, but it had me on the floor howling with laughter.

Lana: [After deciding to eat the eggs] What’s the worst that can happen?
Archer: Dot, dot, dot.

The fact that these two ended up in bed together immediately after this is such a perfect punchline. Because to Lana, being with the selfish, egotistical, childish Archer is the worst thing that could (and did) happen.

What did you think of last night’s episode of Archer: 1999? Let us know your favorite moment in the comments!

Archer: 1999 airs Wednesdays on FX.