A dude’s Vanderpump Rules Season 7, Episode 1 power rankings

10. James (last week’s ranking: 12)

Of course, the start of the drama in the off-season revolves around James who dropped some bars about how everyone remembers that Jax slept with Faith. Clearly, James just doesn’t care about his livelihood, his relationship with anyone else, or his face, because after this incident Jax looks at him the way Ivan Drago looks at his opponents.

When Lisa hears about this, she, of course, chastises James for being such an idiot as to poke the bear, but I must give JK some credit. His idiocy gave us possibly the greatest 15 seconds of television as we saw Lisa Vanderpump drop some bars.

When he finally does find Mr. Kennedy, Jax makes it clear that the DJ won’t be invited to any activities this summer. Oh no, are you revoking his pass to the tree house too?

9. Kristen (last week’s ranking: 9)

The season preview promised a lot more of drunk Kristen this season, but so far all we’ve seen is her shit-talking James Kennedy. Don’t get me wrong, I’m all here for that, but her talking about being on the “side of karma” was just so lame.

I will give her credit for her detective work in figuring out that Jax was going to propose. However, this is the criminal mastermind of Jax Taylor she outsmarted, so don’t feel too proud there Doute.

8. Lala (last week’s ranking: 8)

Lala got the party started with the best line this season, mocking Billie Lee with the great line “oh look at her thinking she’s my boss, that’s real cute.” Love the sass.

But Lala drops a massive bomb on us when she reveals that she and her man are finally able to come out in public now that his divorce is finalized. So without further ado, she tells us the mystery man’s name is…Randall?

I’m sorry, how did a “Randall” pull in a girl like Lala? Lala doesn’t date a Randall, she lets a Randall do her taxes. Luckily, Randall has served the purpose of separating Lala from James after James insinuated he slept with Lala at Coachella (Ron Howard: ‘he absolutely has slept with Lala”).

7. Scheana (last week’s ranking: 7)

Season 7 starts with single Scheana flirting with a customer, revealing that Rob broke up with her after inviting her to his house, putting her “on hold” during his fantasy football draft, and then breaking her heart. I know that’s a cold, douche bag move, but man I gotta admit that made me laugh massively. I bet Rob wins his fantasy league, I mean as Scheana always told us he was so great.

6. Ariana (last week’s ranking: 3)

Unfortunately, my girl Ariana didn’t get any confessionals this last week, so we really don’t know what’s been going on with her during the offseason. Her drop in the rankings is not reflective of her actions, but because everyone behind her was making some moves.