A dude’s Vanderpump Rules power rankings Season 7, Episode 16: The opening of TomToms

12. Lala (last week’s ranking: 12)

At the opening of TomToms, the gals are gabbing about their upcoming trip. Lala tells us that “mama needs Mexico” and I blackout from rage because nothing on the planet is more irritating than a girl who calls herself “mama.”

She tells the ladies that she intends to get all wild and naked in the Mexican ocean like the classy, empowering feminist she is. This is rubbing off on the other girls, as Katie says that she too will be going native with Ms. Kent. I pray the undertow drags them both away.

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Lisa eventually summons Lala to get to the bottom of the confrontation at Billie’s brunch. Lala, of course, lies to Lisa’s face about what happened as the producers contradict her with footage of what actually happens and as the rest of the group discusses how out of control Lala was.

On the flight to Mexico, Lala starts complaining that the crew is flying coach instead of private (I refuse to use that abomination of an abbreviation). She talks about how she usually flies with “assistants” causing me to, once again, call gold digger.

11. Katie (last week’s ranking: 9)

Katie starts off the episode kind of whining a bit that she doesn’t see Tom as much as she used to. She hopes the two of them will get to have some “Tom time” when the whole gang goes down to Mexico.

At the opening of TomToms, Katie is all over her man. Like she is constantly demanding his attention like Stewie in that episode of Family Guy where he says “momma” over and over to Lois.

On the flight to Mexico, we learn that Schwartz got an upgrade to first class. She demands he “trade me” but Schwartz sort of mockingly declines. As a guy, I have to say Schwartz is in the wrong here. You trade with your woman ten times out of ten and make her happy. It’s the nice, chivalrous thing to do.

However, Katie demanding Schwartz trade her his seat is just classic Katie for this season. Even if she’s on the right side of the argument, she feels completely entitled to get whatever she wants and undercuts any ability to side with her. It’s the classic quote from the Dude in the Big Lebowski: “you’re not wrong, you’re just an $sshole.”

Because she isn’t getting what she wants, Katie starts giving Schwartz the silent treatment on their arrival to Mexico. We find out that once the plane was in the air, Katie started rage texting Schwartz about how he’s not around her and never appreciates her. As we covered, yeah that sucks for her, but Schwartz has to put all his focus into this new restaurant if he wants it to succeed.

Eventually, the two end up in a room together and she starts shouting about how he never pays attention to her since starting up TomToms and she needs him to start listening to her. This prompts Tom to respond with, as the episode’s title says “I don’t like the sound of your voice.”

That’s obviously a dick thing to say, but – as with Carter – I understand how Schwartz got pushed repeatedly until he finally cracked. He’s out her trying to pursue his dream and make TomToms a success, and now that he’s finally able to relax he has his wife nagging him with a ton more problems.

My girlfriend also points out that just a few seasons ago, Katie was complaining about how useless Schwartz was. I guess now that he actually has something going on in his life, she’s having difficulty getting used to their new relationship dynamic.