My Feet Are Killing Me Season 1, Episode 3: First to worst
Who hasn’t stubbed their big toe? Imagine the troubles of having three?! My Feet Are Killing Me solves such a dilemma, and an extra, mystery chunk.
Let’s kick off this episode of My Feet Are Killing Me by saying that if you plan on watching this right after Dr. Pimple Popper, you may as well forget food for the evening. Treat it like surgery and don’t have anything in your stomach for at least 12-hours beforehand.
Once again, the hottest podiatrists in the world are on the case. Dr. Ebonie Vincent and Dr. Brad Schaeffer provide skill, levity, and eye candy for a show that is often repulsing.
Jake’s warts
First of all, Jake wore the most ridiculous boots ever to see a podiatrist, which is just stupid. Why make the entire ordeal difficult with ten-foot laces? Anyway, Jake has a bunch of black-rooted warts that have callused over and prohibited him from doing foot modeling. Boooorrrrinng. Dr. Schaeffer scrapes them all off, applies acid, and bandages up immediately. Thanks for the co-pay.
The bulging frisbee on Paul’s foot
First and foremost, My Feet Are Killing Me really built up some suspense on Reed’s foot bulge. Once he takes his sock off, however, it’s on full display and looks like one of those rubber stoppers on the front of roller-skates. Paul’s little kick stand makes it difficult to stand, walk, and run.
His girlfriend is borderline heartless, however, prompting the dog for a walk almost the second she gets on-screen. Paul obviously has to walk on the side of his foot, which causes him knee pain and a gait that makes him look like he’s constipated.
His girlfriend is worried it’s cancerous, but I’m more worried about his splotchy, Joe Dirt facial hair. Dr. Vincent has to do surgery, and it looks brutal. The incision is roughly a third the width of his foot, and leaves a huge gap. Sewing it back together is like lacing up a size 5 shoe on a size 8 foot. Or maybe like a Chris Farley skit.
Kiara’s BIG toe
Every morning Kiara has to worry about starting off no the wrong foot. Literally. Her right, BIG toe is huge and square, reminding her of high school geometry class. It causes her lots of sharp pain, and simply looks like two nails put together. Upon first glance I thought I might have double-vision and need to put down the whiskey. After doing a double
shot
take, however, it’s more likely she stubbed her toe roughly 500 times last week and really needs to rearrange her furniture.
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The most hilarious aspect is when she got charged extra for a pedicure. That’s straight petty. She feels bad because people make fun of her toe, but for some reason doesn’t just wear socks to solve the issue.
She has never had an x-ray, but finally decided it was time to put her foot down and get one. Dr. Schaeffer shows her an extra toe bone growing right off of her right, big toe. A brutal surgery follows.
The excitement starts by jabbing something pointy under her toenail. Then some yanking, jerking, and ripping off half of it along with some collateral damage skin. Afterwards is removal of the surplus bone(s), because apparently there were two parts of it. Shudder.
Next. My Feet Are Killing Me reveals cauliflower feet. dark
Bring the Pepto Bismol for the next episode of My Feet Are Killing Me, because your stomach will definitely be upset next Thursday when you turn into TLC.