The Last Sharknado: It’s About Time jumps the shark

Sharknado comes to a merciful end with The Last Sharknado: It’s About Time. Seriously, it’s about time.

Movies that try ridiculously hard to be as bad as possible are hilarious. In this endeavor, The Last Sharknado mostly succeeds. Mostly. It’s horrible. The story starts off just where Sharknado 5: Global Swarming ended. Fin (Ziering) and Gil (Dolph Lundgren) were bonding in a time traveling HMMWV.

To be quite honest, it’s difficult to critique this movie. It’s intentionally and inherently incoherent, regardless of the attempts at absurd time travel logic. The gluttony of the Sharknado franchise is ultimately its undoing, and the diminishing returns have finally made the ridiculousness nearly unenjoyable. Sharknado has a formula that is no longer effective, and the series has officially jumped the shark

Let the time travel begin.

After multiple instances of parody so bad they feel more like plagiarism – 88mph time travel and a “Help me Obi–Wan Kenobi” hologram – the crew transports to the Jurassic period. The poorly CGI’d dinosaurs and hokey lines everything reminds of a famous line from Jurassic Park.

"“Your scientists were so preoccupied with whether they could, they didn’t stop to think if they should.”"

Indeed.

Should The Last Sharknado have been made? Probably not. Nonetheless, it was. Thankfully the good folks behind the movie were kind enough to allow a detour. Every scene with Fin and April (Tara Reid) is not necessarily required. Introduction of the pterodactyl that somehow looks worse than The NeverEnding Story dog from over 30 years ago is not essential. Finally, hearing Fin say “I’m gonna need a bigger chainsaw” is just a waste of time. Everything is wrapped in the following “please don’t make me watch this entire movie”-tweet.

On to medieval times!

Fin, Bryan, and April suddenly appear above people attempting to pull Excalibur out of a stone. A drag-queen named Morgana uses a bow and arrow to shoot the pterodactyl out of the air in a scene eerily reminiscent of when The Night King shot down Viserion on Game of Thrones.

They subsequently get taken prisoner by Morgana and her soldiers. For some reason, however, Bryan is now a black woman like a bad Jumanji reboot. What follows is an awkwardly uncoordinated sword fight that caused me physical pain.

It’s just a flesh wound.

They are escorted to Merlin’s castle by Winter (Marina Sirtis) in order to see Merlin (Neil deGrasse Tyson). This is where they learn about their son Gil recognizing the connection between time travel and high speed. Additionally, Fin has April’s robot head from the future in a satchel, which is obviously going to be used later to get Tara Reid double screen time (because she likely needs the cash). The Sharknado approaches and Morgana turns them into dragon-sharks. Ultimately, Fin pulls Excalibur from the stone (which looks like a chainsaw), and shoots lightning from it to defeat this round of sharks.

From there the time travel continues.

The British are coming!

Never mind. The sharks are coming! Somehow Gil released the Sharknado during the Revolutionary War by accident. No war, no America, no Fin and crew. Naturally, they have to fight it off with all the cannons of Ticonderoga. Ben Franklin and George Washington (Darrell Hammond) are enlisted to help along with Alexander Hamilton (Ben Stein).

Yeehaw!

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Skye (Vivica A. Fox) emerges in the Wild West to save Gil from a hanging. The sheriff (Dee Snider) is not confused about the situation and says, “I think I know who’s twisted, mister.” (eye roll) The next Sharknado whips through town as the sheriff says “I’m not gonna take this any more.” (eye roll * 2) Skye stars shooting sharks as April’s severed, robotic head fires eye lasers into the tornado.

Surfs up, dude!

Rand McDonald (Gilbert Gottfried) reports that kids are doing a beach dance called “The Shark.” Tori Spelling and her husband are on the beach, and Tori looks like a thumb wearing lipstick. (Is there a plastic surgery contest with Tara Reid and Vivica A. Fox?) Enter yet another Sharknado. Tori Spelling’s husband inexplicably has a ray gun and quips about “jibber jabbering.” A big ray gun stops the tornado.

To San Francisco!

Nova detours to when she was a little girl with her grandfather. The littler girl is her three decades or so ago. They board the charter boat and Fin tries to warn her about changing time (despite the fact they just altered past approximately 20 times in the last 30 minutes). If her grandfather doesn’t die, she may not exist in an alternate future. More importantly, the great Bernie Kopell makes an appearance as a boat captain.

Yadda, yadda, yadda, it’s just as tiring writing about Sharknado as it is watching it. The series finally finishes where it all started, but not before several pointless cameos leave a filmy taste in viewers’ mouths. It was a fun ride for a while, but the series definitely lost a lot of steam.

The Last Sharknado: It’s About Time will undoubtedly return to SyFy every year for a marathon during shark week. I’ll probably watch the first four or five. Will you?