Riverdale Season 3, Episode 11 recap: Who shot Hiram Lodge?

In a noir-themed Riverdale, Kelly Ripa guest stars and Jughead finds out who shot Hiram. Hint: It’s definitely not who you think it was.

“Forget it, Jughead. It’s Riverdale.” Those are Veronica’s poignant words that close the latest episode of Riverdale. She uses them to express her lack of shock at her town’s constant darkness and to further herself from it by not finding out who tried to kill her father. But they could also be adopted by the viewers trying to make sense of the episode’s convoluted plot. So much happened that unveiling Hiram’s attempted killer was just the tip of the iceberg.

Who shot Hiram, why is Betty after Penelope Blossom, and what’s Kelly Ripa up to? Let’s dig into the five most shocking moments from the latest jaw-dropping episode of Riverdale. (Warning: It’s about to get real spoilery in here.)

1. Who shot Hiram?

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Ever the self-indulgent writer, Jughead has some noir fantasy while writing the chapter of his book about tracking down Hiram’s shooter. Veronica wanders into his “office” looking like she just stepped out of a 1940s film and offers him money to solve this mystery. He first follows Veronica’s leading suspect: her mother. Hermione denies it, but they were right on the money.

After investigating the red herring that was Kelly Ripa’s Ms. Mulwray (more on that later), Jughead discovers Sheriff Minetta isn’t actually dead (of course, why not?!). Hermione’s having an affair with him, and they are planning on framing new sheriff FP. However, FP admits to shooting Hiram at Hermione’s request, but when Jughead confesses the truth about Tall Boy, they back Hermione into a corner and pin the shooting on the fallen Serpent/Gargoyle King/Lodge lackey.

2. Penelope Blossom: The Red Dahlia.

As suspected, Betty returns to swap serial killer stories with her father. Betty, sis. What are you doing?! 

She picks her father’s brain about serial killer patterns, tracking her theory that Penelope Blossom drugs her victims and poses their deaths as suicides. Bughead pays Penelope a visit at the Maple Club, where she’s basically running a fetish brothel (again, why not?!).

Later, Betty forces Penelope’s hand into admitting that she poisons men, alluding to the same sinner spiel Hal ran last season. She drugged Claudius with pufferfish poison (which is a thing!), just as she’d drugged many men before him, including her murderer husband-brother. All of this is for Betty to explore the gray area that not all killers are bad and not all victims are good. Fun!

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3. Veronica gives Hermione another headache.

You know what? Hermione deserves it. For much of last season and this season, we could give her the benefit of the doubt because she was powerless to Hiram’s manipulation and under total duress of his dictatorship. But she’s proven herself horrible.

For starters, she planned on selling the rest of Hiram’s drugs to make a profit while he’s out of commission. Veronica also learns that the quarantine was smoke and mirrors. Thankfully, Veronica burned all of the drugs even though Hermione used the buyer’s money up front to pay off the governor.

Who knows who’s telling the truth anymore. Let Hermione and Hiram get into trouble with the mob. Whatever, it’s Riverdale!

4. Archie and Josie are going to “jam.”

Archie boards the hot mess express this week, and it’s understandable. But it’s not excusable. He decides to work construction but gets fired before lunch for picking a fight with the boss. Then he drowns his sorrows at La Bonne Nuit and causes a drunken scene. (Minors serving minors alcohol seems like something Ronnie should look into.)

Luckily, Josie swoops in and sobers him up and offers him useful advice. He takes it the wrong way and marches down to the hospital to kill Hiram… but he stops someone else (later revealed as Minetta) from killing Hiram. With a clearer mind, Archie approaches Josie and asks her to jam. Does a new ship set sail?

5. About Kelly Ripa’s cameo…

Mark Consuelos spent a majority of the episode lying in a hospital bed and only woke up to call a truce with Archie. That means that he didn’t actually have any scenes with his real-life wife Kelly Ripa during her debut as his mistress, Ms. Mulwray. She’s the health and sanitation inspector who fudged the Sweetwater River test results.

See, Claudius Blossom’s Fizzle Rocks manufacturing cause runoff to tamper the water and cause seizures. Mulwray and Jughead have a heated conversation about this cover-up, and it was fiery. Let’s hope Ripa returns very soon!

Odds & Ends:

• Hermione officially killed Minetta with, like five gunshots. What’s her next move?
• “Mob-splaining.” Oh, these Veronica-isms keep getting better and better.
• Shout out to this coroner who’s been getting quite a bit of action as of late. He’s the real hero of all these mysteries coming together. Poor guy.

What did you think of the latest episode? Share your thoughts in the comments!

Riverdale airs Wednesdays at 8/7c on The CW.