My 600-lb Life Season 7, Episode 7: Brandon ‘gon have relations

As he overcomes several hurdles and setbacks on his way towards losing huge amounts of weight, it’s easy to root for Brandon on My 600-lb Life

Anyone who has watched My 600-lb Life recently has been severely irritated. Holly was the most punchable liar ever on the show, and Lacey wasn’t much better. Fans deserve someone who will follow the plan and not cause anger.

Enter Brandon, a musician whose weight is hindering his career, and his relationship. Will he follow Dr. Now’s recommendations or not? Fingers crossed.

Home life

Life is a nightmare, and Brandon refers to himself as “big.” First and foremost, his inner thigh lymphedemas look like elephant testicles, or 50-lb TruckNutz. He can’t even really walk.

Brandon is fairly proportional. Including his breasts. From behind he looks horrible, especially since the default My 600-lb Life shower scene opens the episode.

The average meal

Brandon’s girlfriend Tayler, who is pushing 300 herself, delivers a package of chili-cheese dogs for lunch (?), but she thinks she is only enabling him a little bit. At least she’s feeding him, because they are waiting until he loses weight to have relations.

Later in the evening they have a huge dinner, and Brandon appears to have two deep fried pork chops, a cup of green beans, a whole mess of yams with marshmallows, a quart of fried mac-and-cheese, and one Grand’s biscuit. Along with the eight or so deviled eggs, this has me wondering if filming was during Thanksgiving.

Dr. Now’s evaluation

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On the drive to the airport, Brandon has to get smashed into the car. Then he gets two seats, but the ticketing agent asks if he wants a third seat. Pre-boarding is available, however, and he’ll get to pick his seats. Filming for the travel is skipped because it was likely a complete mess with multiple layovers, numerous demands for extra peanuts, and reorganizing passengers to balance out the plane’s center of gravity.

Initial weigh in: 718! And I can’t wait for Dr. Now to unleash the dogs of war on not only Brandon but also his girlfriend. She’s going to require the same diet or she’ll be on the show within two or three seasons.

Dr. Now asks him to lose 120-lbs over two months! And it turns out the lymphedema are misdiagnosed; they’re just fat storage areas.

Before leaving, Brandon has to give blood. He has a complete meltdown, a squealing panic attack, and it’s not because of the completely emotionless robot Dr. Now is employing as a nurse.

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The follow-up appointments & therapy

Month 2: Dude is working out as soon as he wakes up! And doing it again later in the evening. He’s got a food journal as well. For breakfast, it’s a lettuce wrap with something that looks like refried beans.

Month 3: Weigh in: 577! He lost 141-lbs in two months! Dr. Now comes into the room and damn near has an erection he’s so happy. Weight loss surgery is approved.

They joke about singing, and Dr. Now smiles again while cracking a joke. What in the world is going on? Could his attitude be changing since his stethoscope is all gold and blinged out?

Month 4: Packing up to move to Houston, and Tayler feels trapped because she knows Brandon needs her. A melt-down ensues, and they delay an extra month.

Month 5: The move in occurs, but Tayler is obviously still nervous. Perhaps it’s the move? Maybe it’s leaving her family for a long time? Another possible answer is The Nutty Professor theory.

Month 6: Weight loss surgery is ready, and Brandon is down to 509-lbs. But he fails the medical tests pre-surgery. The TruckNutz succumbed to bacteria, infection, and cellulitis.

Month 7: The infection persists, but is dwindling. Brandon’s playing the guitar.

Month 8: 465-lbs on the weigh in! Not bad considering the issues. Weigh loss surgery includes a gall bladder removal. Hey, extra weight!

Month 9: 423-lbs. Total weight loss is 295-lbs. His clothes and skin are absolutely hanging off of him! He goes to see Tina Turner Lola, the therapist.

Month 10: 415-lbs. Total loss is 303-lbs. Only 8-lbs, Brandon? Really?

Month 11: 405-lbs. Total loss is 313-lbs. The therapist completely screwed him up. He writes a song about his father.

Month 12: 383-lbs weigh-in, total loss of 335-lbs.

Dr. Now is happy with Brandon’s progress overall, and smiles/laughs more this episode than in the entire history of My 600-lb Life.

My 600-lb Life airs Wednesdays on TLC.