The Bachelorette recap: Liar, liar pants on fire
On The Bachelorette, when we last left Becca, she was saying goodbye to Clay who was smart enough to choose his career over a woman who wasn’t going to pick him anyway.
Clay choosing to leave The Bachelorette gave ABC the opportunity to delay the rose ceremony, dragging out the “drama” for another week.
Becca recovers from Clay’s departure pretty quickly, retreating to one of the bedrooms with Blake where they discuss how many children they want (Becca would like three, and Blake’s thinking five). The other men discuss David and his unfortunate accident. Don’t get me wrong, I feel badly for the guy, but falling out of a bunk bed is a bit hard to take seriously.
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Kudos to Jordan who maintains his pensive male face, but he tells the camera that he talks to God every day, and people who go against him “just end up hurt sometimes.” Pretty dark stuff for a guy with a spray tan.
Jordan, who is obviously still in the mix thanks to the producers, declares all he needs is five minutes with Becca to make the biggest impact so far. He’s really counting on the fact that he’s wearing a shirt with no tie to shroud him in mystery. In his own words he could “go either way right now.”
Becca has a gift for Jordan — a pair of gold boxers. From here on out, Jordan’s nickname is “Captain Underpants.”
Jordan’s time with Becca is interrupted by the arrival of David. Jordan’s not a happy camper. He figures David shows up to “save some face,” but according to Jordan, “little does he [David] know he has no face to save. Did anyone give him a mirror? I’m assuming not.”
Becca’s glad to see David, and she immediately pulls him aside for some one-on-one time. She does a great job of not making him feel like the Elephant Man, by telling him how handsome he is. David really doesn’t look that bad, given he lost a fight with — what I’m guessing — is some very hard ceramic tile. Becca immediately gives David a rose, so he can go pop a Percocet and get some rest.
The rivalry between Jordan continues. David revels in the fact that he’s got a rose, and Jordan may go home. David tells the camera, “I may not have a male model face at this point, but I have a rose, bitch.”
"Jordan: Did anyone give him a mirror? I’m assuming not."
Finally, it’s time for the rose ceremony. Becca eliminates Ryan and Mike and then announces it’s time for a change of scenery. The guys need to pack up, leave the mansion and head to Park City, Utah.
Becca’s first date of the night on The Bachelorette is with Garrett. It’s impossible to get excited about Garrett. Does it matter that his politics suck? No. Does it matter that he has exhibited some sexist, racist and generally disgusting behavior on social media? Hell, yes.
Sadly, Becca’s pretty excited about Garrett. She likes that he embraces her goofy side. She’s drawn to his energy and finds him attractive. Becca is also convinced her dad would have approved.
Back at the house, things take a disturbing turn. Lincoln, who was convicted in May of indecent assault and battery, believes the world is flat. Can we just take a minute and discuss how low the bar has sunk on The Bachelorette Season 14.. ABC really needs to rally after Arie, but Becca’s men are, for the most part, a monumental disappointment both onscreen and off. If this is the cream of the crop, it explains why I’ve been single for six years.
I refuse to devote any space to Lincoln’s defense of his beliefs. He’s got his own logic, and maybe it’s that same deluded thinking that made him believe it was okay to lay his hands on a woman in an aggressive way. He’s yucky, and he doesn’t deserve my time or yours.
Also going downhill is Becca and Garrett’s date, but not in the way you think. The twosome go bobsledding. This does give Becca a chance to throw around some lame metaphors, but I’ll cut her some slack, since ABC keeps screwing her over.
When it comes time for the usual evening one-on-one date chit-chat, Garrett reveals he’s only been in love once. They were together for two years, were married for two months and got divorced. This worries Becca because she’s not sure if at the end of this process, Garrett will be ready to commit.
Becca wants more details, and Garrett claims his ex was verbally abusive and drove a wedge between himself and his family and close friends. Becca’s sympathetic, but girlfriend has marriage on the brain, so she makes it clear she’s not sure if she can move forward with doubts about Garrett’s ability to commit. Hey, Becca, welcome to the world of dating.
Garrett reassures Becca he’s had two whole years to get over it, and he’s not going to stick around and waste her time if he doesn’t feel it. Becca’s emotions overshadow her doubts, and she gives Garrett the rose.
The group date includes Jordan, Chris, Blake, Nick, John, Lincoln, Leo, David, Connor, Jason, Christon, Colton and Jean Blanc. This is Becca’s biggest group date yet — a whopping 13 guys vying for her attention.
The men learn they’re participating in a lumberjack competition. I’m not sure how wise it is to put axes in these guys hands, particularly Jordan and David. It’s a very manly date with log-rolling, wood splitting, sawing, pole climbing and all sorts of feats of strength. After some training, the guys divide into two teams for “Becca’s Big Lumberjack Bash.” It’s time to separate the men from the boys. Shockingly, the big winner is John.
At the after party, Jordan strips down to the gold skivvies Becca gave him. Even Jordan knows he doesn’t have anything to offer other than his looks, and he’s not even the best looking guy on The Bachelorette Season 14. show. Becca laughs because what the hell else is she supposed to do?
Now, Jordan isn’t just getting on David’s nerves, he’s pissing off Colton as well. He’s over Jordan’s attention-seeking antics and pulls Jordan aside for a chat. Jordan’s sick of guys approaching him, and Colton tries to explain that Jordan is painting a target on his back by parading around in gold panties. Their conversation goes absolutely nowhere.
Jean Blanc is really gunning for the group date rose, and he comes bearing a gift. He presents Becca with her own signature perfume, “Miss Becca Blanc.” Jean Blanc only wants one thing in return. Becca’s worried it’s a one on one, and while Jean Blanc makes it clear that is his endgame, he’s just after a kiss for now. Becca isn’t sure about Jean Blanc’s motives, unsure if he’s really into her or just kissing her because he feels obligated.
They’re interrupted by Leo, and Jean Blanc doesn’t think achieves what he wants to with Becca, so he goes back in for a second time. He tells Becca the connection for him was instantaneous and then tells Becca he’s falling in love with her.
There’s an incredibly long, awkward pause as Jean Blanc waits for Becca’s response, but you can tell he soon realizes he may have overplayed his hand. Becca finally confesses that she’s not on the same page. You can’t put the toothpaste back in the tube, so Becca eliminates Jean Blanc.
As she walks him out, Jean Blanc goes completely off the rails. He reveals that he basically just told Becca what he thinks she wants to hear. It’s hard to know if he’s just backtracking because his feelings are hurt, and he’s trying to save face. Is he hoping she’ll change her mind and let him stay? Nobody is more confused than Becca. She makes it clear all she’s asked for throughout this process is honesty.
This is disappointing because I actually thought Jean Blanc was a good guy despite his weird obsession with cologne. One more loser down, and so many more to go.
Becca is understandably upset, and she immediately goes back to the group and explains what just went down. She’s pissed, and she reiterates that all she wants is honesty, and Jean Blanc’s behavior makes her feel incredibly disrespected. Becca warns the others that if they can’t be honest from here on out, she doesn’t want them around.
Becca’s done for the night which means nobody gets the rose.
Wills has a one on one with Becca, and after the Jean Blanc mess, he’s worried. That is not an act you want to follow. All the guys know that Jean Blanc’s actions are only going to make it tougher for them moving forward.
Before the date begins, Becca is teary and emotional. She wants to have fun with Wills but hopes he takes things slow.
The twosome go snowmobiling and end up having a picnic at the top of a mountain. Becca opens up about her frustrations. She’s been through this kind of BS before. This also begs the question, “Why did you sign up for it again?”
Wills is all about just making Becca smile and feel comfortable, and he succeeds. She definitely appreciates the effort. Wills knows how to read a room. After spending the day with Wills, Becca feels her journey to find love is back on track.
During the evening portion of their date, Wills talks about his own bad breakup. He dated a woman for three years, and it was pretty serious. He didn’t see the end coming, but in hindsight, he realizes he probably should have when she offered him a hall pass ( permission to have sex with another woman with no consequences). Becca can relate to being blindsided.
Becca feels she can genuinely trust Wills and gives him the date rose.
The men without roses are freaking out about the cocktail party. Nick and Connor got zero alone time with Becca during the group date thanks to Jean Blanc. Chris Harrison arrives with the news that Becca knows what she wants to do, so there will be no cocktail party.
During the rose ceremony, Becca eliminates Nick and Christon. Next stop for Becca and the boys on The Bachelorette Season 14 is Las Vegas.
Next: The Bachelorette episode 3 recap
Do you think Jordan is on the show to further his career? Who is the current frontrunner to win Becca’s heart on The Bachelorette? Let us know what you think in the comments section below.
The Bachelorette Season 14 airs Mondays at 8/7c on ABC. Tune in to see who Becca sends home next.