The Wayward Podcast Episode 3, Wayward Periods: Vicious cycle

The Wayward Podcast returns for its third episode to bring us the Wayward Periods edition. We’re talking personal adventures, what’s normal, what’s totally bizarre, what’s a secret, and the circle of life.

Let’s be serious about this. Periods have always been wayward and talking about them, even more. Some certainly do not want to talk about it, I can understand that for sure. But there is also the issue that making it so secretive and even thinking of it as gross or embarrassing has led us as a society to hide the realities, even from those who need to know them.

The Wayward Podcast has this covered for us this week. Do we want to talk about it? Not necessarily.

But we live in a time where independence and self-love, especially in this circle, make us unafraid to be out of the ordinary. As a result, it’s almost a dare to address this issue.

What is the real story of the period? Do sacks of toad ashes around your waist lessen cramps? Not sure- (No toads have been harmed for this post). Why do we go to such great lengths to hide it all and minimize the actual miracle of it? What have we been through because of it?

The Wayward Podcast is here to help us “embrace the freedom of discussing it.” I’m going to give you fair warning because you know, I feel like that’s what you do. This post is going to be fun and also realistic. So, let’s dive right into this taboo, shall we?

What blood?

The Wayward Podcast started off this week with talk about what it means to be a mom. How did this word become an identity? Being a mother is a relationship description, not a name or description of a woman. This quickly evolved into one small, not-to-be-discussed aspect of what it takes to become a mother. That’s right, periods. But don’t worry, it’s fine. Nothing is happening.

Kim Rhodes and Briana Buckmaster made no small talk about the fact that periods are so real. It’s something many of us still won’t discuss and the fact is, that’s handed down to us through all of time.

Unfortunately, it has also led to an immense lack of information and tons of myth and nonsense, really. Girls are taught to hide it and boys are taught to never ask her if she’s having it. We are fine. Drop it.

Sadly, I have not yet been able to enjoy a convention in person. But I thought it was hilarious to hear that the ladies actually and deliberately will use period talk as a tool to bring people to the mic during their Q&A panels. It’s true, the conversation is considered so messed up that people would rather conquer their fears than let it continue. Get on stage for a talent show? Surely not. Come to the microphone to dodge period talk? In a heartbeat.

And even more wayward, many will do this great feat because not only are they embarrassed to just hear it, but they are embarrassed for each other. We assume that others must also feel internal combustion and going to the mic won’t just save us, it will save everyone. Do it for the people!

But why the stigma? History, of course. Let’s not dance around the idea that a woman’s bleeding has been thought of as everything from a biblical curse to a reputation-destroying school event. This is not a cultural issue, either. It’s so real and widespread, purely built-in, that even a language barrier can’t stop us from knowing it when we see it.

Kim and Briana covered a lot of ground in this conversation with us on The Wayward Podcast. The takeaway they wanted for this episode was simple and so pure. “Be sure to ask questions.” This is all centered around the knowledge that as women, we are taught to be quiet.

It’s not as if it’s deliberate (usually). We’re not all living the life of Carrie or anything, but for some, the emotional result feels similar. Our mothers, grandmothers and other teachers were from another era, as are we to our daughters. For us, even those just getting the ball rolling, we are probably completely desensitized to the idea that the period is a secret.

Not only is it a secret, but it is pretty embarrassing! So, some of us, myself included on this one for sure, have broken out of this shell. Among our peers, we are not always shy to say, “oh no way, I’m having the worst cramps ever,” and other tales of our personal tortures, if that is what we experience.

Some have no stories like this, but like Kim mentioned, some are in pure, evil, hell. Here’s where I threw up my cheerleader hands. I hear you!

Not only is there the obvious bleeding issue, literally an active bleeding situation for many days, but many of us experience pain. It’s an ancient pain, a supernatural pain like no other. I know first-hand why it’s thought to be a curse.

For some (like Kim and me), that pain can be so severe that it’s barely tolerable and can completely halt your daily behavior. Often times, this is a sign that you are in need of medical intervention but because of the taboo and other reasons, people don’t know this!

Going back to the history lesson, Briana reminded us of the fact that there is a list of reasons a woman might have been admitted to a mental hospital for treatment and one of them really is PMS. That’s right, the women were literally considered insane if they reacted or complained of the many, many effects a monthly cycle unleashes upon them.

Kim talked about the absolute lack of coincidence in the root of the words hysterectomy and hysterical. Yes, that’s right, our uteruses are the source of evil and chagrin. Well, they are also the source of life. In one breath, worship the woman for bringing forth mankind. In the next, condemn her for being upset that her body is peeling off layers from the inside sparing no damage to her mind with hormonal attacks.

As a society, this is not our fault, by any means. But having the knowledge, it is now our responsibility to decide. Do we keep up tradition or do we shatter the myth?

Do we change our understanding of this and then go farther and change our behavior? And how do we do that without making a scene? Sure, it’s make-a-scene worthy, but is that the best approach?

Like many other outdated thought processes, we have seen that it takes generations to undo something so deeply understood in another way.

Even with the knowledge that the thing is not acceptable, some will hold onto it like you’re taking away their homestead. And even more challenging, what about when we inadvertently continue the behavior, ourselves? Can we justify not preventing the same trials we’ve experienced for our own future generations? How long will it take?

What shame?

Near the end of The Wayward Podcast, Kim mentioned that it was a shame that women are taught to hide the fact they have periods, even to the extent of not talking about it at home. She even brought up the point that it is so skewed in society that a hockey player will spit blood on the ice and keep playing and it’s totally normal. But something so natural, and necessary as a woman’s period just must not be mentioned.

Very unfortunately, these societal norms we are all used to, we never question, are the very setups that teach us to be ashamed. Our continued dramatization of it feeds it and makes it stronger. Some of it is true, don’t get me wrong. I really do sometimes have an overwhelming need for a piece of chocolate. I don’t know why, but it’s true.

Am I a relentless tyrant because I can’t control my emotions? Not usually. Do I cry about commercials? Sometimes. Is it a curse? It does often feel that way, I have not personally been making deals with demons, so I don’t know why I’d be punished this way. And truly, sometimes it’s just like nothing is happening at all.

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Because of the myths created in days of yore to try and explain something so seemingly mystical, we mindlessly continue tradition. We know now why and even how this horrid blessing occurs, yet we still look to it as a demon not to be discussed.

Even among the more accepting and forward-thinking classes of the masses, there is that pressing, invasive internal belief that it is still wayward.

To illustrate this, consider the perplexing situation of The Vagina Monologues. What began as a play is now a growing group of women who are relentlessly speaking the bitter truths of their bodies and experiences with them. Women and men alike have joined in the support.

In many circles, this is very well-received but considered stunning by nature. The fact that it is so unheard of to be so open and raw is the first driving factor in its growth. Now that it is out there and showing success, it is embraced by many. With this example of evolution, those who originally supported it because it was wayward are now joined by many more because they believe it shouldn’t be.

Give me strength

The Wayward Podcast gives us power. Not only do we have the power of a network of wayward lovelies behind us, but we have the power of information. Briana mentioned that she is very open in discussion at home with her daughter. The word vagina is not taboo there. Why? Because it’s real. Sure we can snicker but we shouldn’t feel ashamed to say it.

Kim agreed and brought in the other, extremely important fact that normalizing talk about our bodies and natural functionings can be so powerful, it can help us prevent becoming victims of predators. This alone is enough of a reason to break down these walls.

According to legitimate professionals whose life work is focused on child protection and education:

"Parents and guardians can help keep their children safe by talking frankly and often to their children about “the birds and the bees.” Child molesters have admitted they are less likely to abuse children who have a basic understanding of sex education, including knowledge of the proper names for private parts.Some child molesters cite a preference for children on the brink of puberty. This is the age of sexual awakening, making it easy for molesters to prey on the sexual ignorance and curiosity of youngsters. To quote one sex offender, “Give me a kid who knows nothing about sex, and you’ve given me my next victim.”"

That’s pretty scary to think about. And it’s not just about becoming victims of an attacker, but even long-term in relationships with people who don’t respect them. That kind of damage can be so deep that it can take a lifetime to overcome.

So ladies and gentlemen, boys and girls, everyone, please ask questions. Please be honest with yourself and your children. If you don’t know something, regardless of your age, find out the answers! This is not a female problem. This is a human function.

The mysterious period is not just something women keep to themselves because it’s a mystical, magical miracle. Some of us are afraid, shy, or believe it’s just the way it is. Ask us what we’re feeling, what we need. We might need things! Understand we may have pain, sadness, fatigue, messes, and shyness to handle. On the other hand, don’t assume we’re evil, angry, or incapable.

I’m not gonna lie. My five girls know that when I say “I have cramps,” it means a bunch of things. No, do not ask me to run you around town. Yes, I would enjoy some hot tea or a tub of ice cream. No, I do not feel good. Yes, I will be ok.

My six-year old asks, “what is this?” My nine-year-old takes the tampon and says, “that’s for the vagina blood.” Neither is scared or gasping or thinking of a horror movie. I have been open with them and they see it as a thing, but a normal one.

Realistically, it’s an injury. Women are bleeding for days, and that tends to sap the energy and joy from your day from time to time. But not always!

Don’t assume, and ladies, don’t hide! You don’t have to go around with a scarlet letter on to announce it’s “that time,” but you don’t have to cringe when you buy a pad.

Men and women, teach your boys and girls. And please teach yourself! We have the beautiful internet, you know. There’s no shame in a search when you don’t want to bring it up with someone. But maybe your bravery will aid theirs.

As Kim said on The Wayward Podcast, there’s no need for shame! And there’s no shame in having shame, either! I love that so much.

Even if you’ve been having periods for 70 years there are still things you can learn! Times change, pads change (they have cups now?), you can benefit from this stuff. Life can be better.

Boys and girls, there are many ways we can proudly be wayward. Let’s not make it the great secret menstrual event every single month! We are strong, but we don’t always have to be.

You want to help me feel better about it? Don’t ignore or make a scene about my period. Let’s be real. At least take taxes off chocolate (it can be medicine for you and me) and it’ll be a good start. Carry on.

The Wayward Podcast continues to dig into real-life issues while keeping life cool. Do you listen yet? What is your favorite thing about the show? Tweet us your thoughts, or tell us in the comments below!

The Wayward Podcast releases new episodes on Mondays at noon EST. Listen on Podbean, iTunes, iHeartRADIO and more!