The Wayward Podcast Episode 12, Wayward Pain: I’ll be fine

The Wayward Podcast brings the pain. I mean, not actual pain, but the discussion of pain. Whether it’s physical or emotional, pain is real and it can shape us. If we allow it.

Kim Rhodes and Briana Buckmaster have taken us into the world of pain. The Wayward Podcast touches on many topics that we can all relate to. In marketing, these are called universal human truths. Things we can all understand, despite where we live, what language we speak, how old we are.

More from Supernatural

• Jensen Ackles and The Winchesters cast kick off #SaveTheWinchesters campaign
• Will The Winchesters be saved? (Can Supernatural fans save the prequel?)
• Did The Winchesters get renewed? (Is The Winchesters season 2 happening?)
• Is a new episode of The Winchesters on tonight? (March 14, 2023)
• The Winchesters Season1 finale explained: Did it connect to Supernatural?

They’re feelings or situations that anyone can relate to (most people) from this episode’s topic of pain to something like when you lean too far back in your chair or accidentally skip a step, and have a mini heart attack. Anything that makes you say, “been there, honey.” Usually it’s a simple principle like the fact that humans are naturally attracted to beauty.

I’m going to get into what the ladies talked about in a second. But first, I would like to remind you that there are spoilers contained within.

Not only will I be giving away all of what was discussed, but there will be quotes and references to the content of this episode of The Wayward Podcast. If you haven’t listened to “Wayward Pain” yet, jump over and do that first, if you want to.

As always, if you need assistance enjoying the show, you can go to a wonderful haven composed for you by a team of volunteers who want to help you to enjoy the madness and virtue of The Wayward Podcast. Transcriptions and translations are available here, and they are always happy to hear from you if you’re bilingual and want to help out with translations!

If you’re all set, let’s do this! As always, this episode punched me in the soul. The ladies talked to us on The Wayward Podcast about pain in all its forms — something I’m no stranger to. We heard about how they do and don’t handle their own types of pain and their suggestions for us. They also dug into the touchy subject of handling the pain of other people.

We found out how and why they process pain in the ways they do, the thoughts they have about it, and how they can change those tendencies. It all got started with some chat about Kim’s recent back injury. If you’re a fan of hers, you know that she recently had a disagreement with her horse and ended up in a bedazzled back brace.

It doesn’t hurt, go away

Kim talked to us on The Wayward Podcast about how she has a behavior pattern when she is in pain. If you’re a fan of Kim Rhodes (or any of her friends), you have probably heard the story. She hit the ground and received what was explained to her as “a minor injury caused by a major and dramatic force.” She says it’s fancy talk for “walk it off.”

Through the discussion, she arrived at an important point. While she and Briana reminisced about the event, Briana said that she and Kim’s other loved ones were judging the severity of the injury to be less because Kim was busy joking a lot and laughing often.

Kim let us in on a little secret about why that happened, and that it was actually the true sign that things were not OK. When she is hurt, she is more likely to laugh than to cry. She equates this to her intrinsic desire to mask the fact that she is hurting.

That desire is so embedded in her that she has evolved this defense mechanism that causes her to laugh involuntarily when she’s hurt. This could be emotional or physical, but it’s nearly guaranteed. And the funnier it seems, the worse it actually is. The jig is up, Kim, we’re gonna know next time.

It hurts, go away

Briana went on to tell us about her own reaction to pain. Whether it’s emotional or physical, her first thought is to fix it. While Kim plays down her suffering in order to be left alone (she is a self-proclaimed isolator), Briana takes the other path and lets people know what is going on.

She says she doesn’t want to play on the sympathies of those who care about her, but rather, wants to let them know where she’s coming from and what to expect. Of course, like with Kim’s happy acceptance of Samantha Smith’s attention to her bedazzling needs, Briana is always appreciative of the comfort and assistance we can get when we sometimes can really use it.

Briana remembered a story from college when she was undergoing a breakup and how bad she felt, that she felt bad. She confided in a friend that she knew people saw her as “a rock,” and her friend gave her words of wisdom to take with her on the road of life. It is not her job to appear strong.

While Kim explains that she’s fine, you can go away, Briana explains that she’s not fine but will be, so you can go away. They both have the similar goal to be left with their own situation, on their own. Kim doesn’t want the attention to her pain and Briana doesn’t want people to feel like they have to give attention to hers. Kim sees it as weakness to share her pain, Briana sees it as strength.

Kim again thinks back to her youth in explaining that she learned to walk it off and that she has an intrinsic feeling that pain means you’ve messed up. For Kim, when we focus on the injury or the sadness, we focus on her perceived failure or inadequacy. Briana wants to make it go away and turns to her spirituality to help her deal.

She says that when she is in pain, her inner process tells her that there is a lesson to be learned. She asks herself, “Could my own behaviors have caused/prevented this?” “What am I gaining from this pain?”

Briana believes that once she solves the issue, the pain will go. Either she will feel good about it and it will free her of emotional pain, or she will find the source of the physical pain and allow it the time to heal.

In cooking and in healing, one thing stays true — you can’t rush it. Time has its own way of fixing things and sometimes it’s the only thing that can. This is where they talked about forgiveness and supporting others who are in pain.

Own it, don’t BE it

There is a wayward frame of thought we have surely all fallen into over the course of our lives. We are our pain. Kim talked about how this was something that she had to actively attack in her personality. After taking time to accept that she has suffered many traumas, both physical and mental, she came to understand she was entitled to her pain.

However, accidentally, she found that she became “the hurt girl.” She caught herself using the pain as a way to gain focus on her and to take it off at the same time. To say, “well, that’s because this thing happened to her” or “well, that person has this illness, so you can’t blame them for xyz,” is very common in society. It’s easy as pie to let that become a thing.

Especially when you have the recipe that Kim has had. She had very little attention to her ailments in life up to this point. So like a diet, when you avoid all sugar, eventually you are going to go for the dessert cart to try and make up for lost time. You’ve earned it, after all. You’ve been good, you’ve been disciplined. Time to take a break from that.

From the other side of that, we also see people who are not us, in that same state. It’s so hard to want to help someone feel better who is feeling so deeply identified by their pain. It has to be their decision to put it down and go through it and often our hands are tied. Briana identifies as a helper like this. She wants very badly to help people get out of pain when she sees it.

She mentioned in another episode of The Wayward Podcast, she suspects some of that motivation is an effort to help herself feel better, at the same time. When someone near her is hurting, she hurts, too.

Use it, don’t abuse it

Briana’s tendency to work on solutions can be a difficult role to fulfill. It’s to everyone’s benefit that she finds a solution. Unfortunately, not everyone is in a place where they can or want to be helped. This is the downside to being the helper. We surrender our happiness to the person we’re trying to help. But that doesn’t mean we shouldn’t try!

Kim talked a lot about how important it is not to enable someone in that state. Like we think of an addict being given their drug, we have to also realize some people are addicted to pain. Pain is their drug. This is not always a negatively expressed process, however.

As Briana mentioned, there are some forms of pain that she enjoys. Let’s take the rush that comes from a new tattoo or piercing, one of her personal interests. If you have one, you absolutely know what we’re talking about here. Yes, it’s pain. Yes, we get something from it.

Not only is there a piece of art left behind, but the experience itself serves us a purpose. Some find stress relief, some find power in overcoming it, some just flat out enjoy it for reasons unidentified. Whatever the case, almost everyone who has a tattoo or body piercing will tell you that there’s a certain “addiction” that comes with it. It serves us.

In this way, we find out that pain is our way to move into a new place in our minds. We don’t want that emotional pain or that stress anymore, we’ve hit a limit for the time being. Running out and finally getting that tattoo we designed will give us a new focus, a new pain. It fills the “pain goes here” bucket and we can let go. But it’s temporary.

So that’s not hurting anyone but us, right? And we may think the same of falling into the role of victim. Until we hit that wall where people understand that there is nothing they can do, we will continue to hurt and tell people about it. Because, as Kim and Briana both agree, the only true way out of pain, is through it.

You’ve seen it, some of us have been it. “Hi, my name is Suzie, the sufferer of chronic knee pain.” Yes, GOD YES, chronic pain is real. But don’t make it part of your name. It’s something you are living with, not defined by. I know, easier said than done. But it can be done.

The mystical creature that goes by the name of Rachel Miner is a beautiful example of this power. Did you know she uses a wheelchair? Do you know why? Probably not, as most people don’t.

It’s not because she makes any secret of it, but it’s because she is not defined by it. When I think of her, I think of her work, her heart, her uplifting attitude. She is a gem, not a victim.

In pain or not, she stood for that photo up there. She asks for and accepts help when she needs it. And she pushes hard when she can do it herself.

She entered that marathon for something she believed in. She trained, she took us on the journey with her, good times and challenging ones.

Rachel got to that mark and then spent the rest of her time at the Amica Seattle Marathon handing out water, in the cold, to others! I want to be the Clarence, and I really want to be the Rachel. She is a persistent inspiration to me as I go through my own struggles with physical limitations.

Pain or no pain, that is a human who will not be stopped. She may have to take her time once in a while, but she doesn’t want anyone else to slow down for her and she doesn’t want to quit. Knowing she might need help as the marathon went on, she used a chair designed to be easier for the person who might end up pushing her at times. And she finished. How many marathons have I entered? Zero. So far.

Forgive and forget

Briana brought up a very important matter on this episode of The Wayward Podcast. She told us about how trauma is stored in our cells. This is not just scientifically backed, but it’s heavily underestimated.

All of this plays into how we need to look into ourselves and find the source of our pain. In the case of injury or disability, the source of pain may be obvious. But the level to which it captures us can still be altered, as I already mentioned. One of the greatest things we can do is find ourselves and feed that beautiful creature.

Briana talks about diminishing the anxiety and natural stresses of life (between tattoos and piercings!) with methods such as tapping. This is one that works for her, and there is a world of other methods used for restoring ease. One such practice is outlined in this piece I highly encourage you all to take the time to read.

This article really has everything. From the Ph.D. of its author satisfying the science behind it to the simple exercise you can do literally right now, it is amazing. The content explains in depth how pain is stored in the cells — both emotional and physical — and most importantly, how to make that change.

As Kim said in the podcast, we have to find the pain and accept it. She and Briana both talked about emotional pain having a source that we are somehow holding onto. Something about it still serves us and we desire it.

When we decide we are done with that, we can look to let it go. We have to ask, “what is my responsibility here?” It’s not that you necessarily caused it, but how can you end it? What are you doing to allow it to flourish?

Once again, it’s important to me that you understand I recognize the reality of pain. I know it very well and it is real, no matter how high my spirits may be. But I also know that what these women are saying is truth. There is a significant level of change available through changing your thoughts and behaviors. You can dig deep and forgive, even move on from your emotional, and a large part of your physical pain, permanently.

Take care, bye-bye

As discussed in nearly every episode of The Wayward Podcast, to date, self-care is critical to optimum human functionality. Not only does taking care of yourself bring a sense of inner peace, but it creates an internal environment that is at ease.

If you think of pain as a material being, understand that it flees from places of harmony. Like in The Fifth Element, “evil begets evil,” and so does pain beget pain. The more you trash your environment, the more that creature will grow and fire back at you.

The simple act of taking five minutes per day to be quiet and listen to your own breath can totally alter your entire existence. It’s not just the act of the breathing, but deeper. What you are really doing is making a commitment to yourself. The simple act of having the thought, making the promise, will propel you into a world of change, effortlessly.

Is this a cure-all? Certainly not. But just as bad habits are a slippery slope, (think smoking just one cigarette after quitting a month ago), good habits and thoughts are just as slick.

In a domino effect, the next step will come. Your habitual mind will ebb from self-destruction to self-worth, and you will begin to heal. Doing this for yourself will give you self-love that will help you start to forgive yourself for all the tiny things. And you will be well.

Physical injuries take time. Disabilities take courage. There is so much more to healing than just a thought. But truly, without the thought and intent, the healing is up against a brick wall.

Sometimes this means stand up and walk it off. Sometimes it means you must sit down and breath, be patient, take the time.  But you must want to be better. You always get what you want.

Only you can truly know what your capabilities and limits are, but don’t settle in what once was forever. Some things get better, some get worse. As the famous serenity prayer dictates, have the serenity to accept the things you cannot change. Have courage to change the things you can. And have the wisdom to know the difference. Be proud, humble, strong, or still. Whatever you need is OK. Don’t be afraid to ask for it or take it. Be well. Carry on.

What’s your most common practice to help eliminate pain or stress? Is there a type of pain that you benefit from? Let us know in the comments below or send us a tweet!

The Wayward Podcast airs new episodes on Mondays online at Podbean.