The Wayward Podcast Episode 27 review: Wayward Calling

The Wayward Podcast is not going to tell you what you should be doing with your life. But in Wayward Calling, they are going to tell you what they think a calling means and whether or not they care.

Before we go on, let me remind you that this is a review and recap of The Wayward Podcast so be ready for major spoilers. Feel free to run over and listen to Episode 27 before you go on if you haven’t yet! And as always, if you need or want assistance with enjoying this episode, follow this post to the very end for a link to transcribed and translated versions.

Our episode opened with Briana asking the questions we would explore on this episode of The Wayward Podcast. She wanted to know, “who you think you are, and what you think your calling is.”

Kim’s response was one that rang for me. She said when she was younger, all she knew is that she wanted to make people happy. While that hasn’t necessarily changed, she finds that she is now “less needing to drink the water, more the hose.”

She’s referring to this wayward way of thought many of us experience. We go out there and try to help people and it’s such a lovely behavior. But like many of us have come to see about ourselves, sometimes those acts are actually more self-serving than we care to admit.

Briana talked before about how she often stepped up as the problem solver among her friends, but discovered that she was often doing that because the discourse made her uncomfortable. This is along the lines of Kim’s statement about the hose.

Kim came to believe that much of the good deed work she was doing was perhaps in the interest of her own comfort. She gained something by doing these things. While that’s not a bad thing, initially in life we can become attached to the outcome.

We often learn the hard way that we might put a lot of effort into something that no one actually wants and certainly isn’t bending over backward to thank us for. That can leave us feeling frustrated, defeated, unwilling to give as much in the future.

It’s such a shame to go down into that hole though because giving is such a wonderful thing to do. So Kim learned to apply her phrase, “for free and for fun.” This is the idea that when you give, it’s gone. What another person does with your gift doesn’t have to be any of your business.

Cup runneth over

It may sound wayward if you don’t have the rest of the explanation, but the bottom line is that when you give genuinely, you are doing it because it is right and good. You have no control over how another person will react to that gift. Therefore, if you end it there, the joy of it has happened and isn’t attached to the outcome.

We cannot control other people! We know, we know. So when Kim talks about needing less to drink the water and more being the hose, it’s about being on our own path of self-love and acceptance.

It’s so much easier to give freely then, because we are less in need of the validation, thanks, or outcome that is prescribed as an expectation. If we step away from that, we find there is much more to offer.

“When you’re authentically tapped into your source, there’s no fear of running out.”

Briana mentioned her husband and how he is basically the best at everything he does. Did we mention she adores him? It’s the best. So he spent a lot of his life studying and mastering things that he was super good with. And then he’d move on.

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He was looking for “the thing.” The thing he’s supposed to be doing. His calling. And here comes the genius. He didn’t find it.

And he doesn’t care. He doesn’t need a guidebook or to know the steps to get to “the thing.” What he found is that the thing is the steps.

So he knows his calling is to be of service to others, even if he doesn’t know in which capacity that will occur today. As Kim said, sometimes the calling is actually found in the rearview mirror.

Sometimes we do years of things and look back to see that it has been there all along. So how do we know we’re on the right path?

What we do know is that when you are on the right path, you can tell. That feeling of ease, it’s a sign. That feeling of “WTF is happening?” is a sign, too. All you really have to do is pay attention to how you feel.

Follow the yellow brick road

Plain and simple, when you’re on the right path, you will know. Whether it seems wayward to the next person or not, is irrelevant. Just as irrelevant as to whether or not you understand what that person over there is doing. We all have a purpose, a path, a yellow brick road of our own.

And following that road is the key to happiness. It’s been inside you all along! I think Briana’s husband has the right idea and it falls in line with my favorite point from this episode of The Wayward Podcast. Kim brought it up when she talked about how many people have the mistaken belief that the calling is an end.

It’s as if we are supposed to figure out what we’re supposed to do and then get to it. Once we get there, it’s over. That’s it. We found our calling and that’s it.

But in reality, the calling is a process. It’s an ongoing situation that involves enjoying your time and feeling like you’re doing something that is worthwhile to you and possibly to others. And to make matters even cooler, the calling can change.

Kim addressed the idea that you can look around you and find the thing that right now is meant for you. If you say “my calling is to help people,” as a blanket statement, you can constantly find ways to do that. You don’t have to secure a position as an integral part of a world-altering non-profit to make that happen. Although, that’s a really fortunate hand to hold.

On a daily scale for the rest of us, it’s easy to see ways to play out that calling. Kim says she feels good every time she decides not to be a jerk or when she gets out of the way of a wayward child who’s running around or something. Simply practicing mindfulness can show you many opportunities that exist in your face every moment of your day.

Briana introduced many of us to Brene Brown. This is a woman who talks about mindfulness, setting boundaries, courage, and other such topics. On her website, she has a great quote from Father Richard Rohr:

"If we do not transform our pain, we will most assuredly transmit it — usually to those closest to us: our family, our neighbors, our coworkers, and, invariably, our children."

On top of that, another quote from Anne Lamott says: “Help is the sunny side of control. Stop helping so much. Don’t get your help and goodness all over everybody.” This one is also a really great guide to making life work for us all.

There’s also Abraham Hicks, with the mentality that we shouldn’t hang onto thoughts that don’t serve us. Instead, we should find thoughts to use as a rescue. Briana explains further, that we shouldn’t feel attached to milestones for this reason. Sure, have the goal to be a (insert thing) by (insert year or day). But if not, it’s no crisis. We must remain fluid.

If we use these pieces of advice together, we can come to a place where we find a nice balance between transforming our pain through helping others, but establishing a boundary between assisting someone in need, and taking over for them. We have to remember that we can only help those who need and want it.

Takeaway

Sometimes (or usually) the path to our calling is a wayward one. Kim said it well when she stated that sometimes “our ‘calling’ is something we might find out in the rearview mirror.” She also urged us not to “get trapped in the supposed-to.” That is the best advice a person can give or get, IMO.

It has been deemed a cognitive distortion to live your life worrying that you’re not doing what you’re supposed to. We are given ideals and suggestive guidance from society and from our elders all through our youth. As we grow up, we often stay trapped right in that box of “supposed to.”

Briana said she would rather her child spend $10,000 touring the world for a year, instead of on the “prescribed” immediate first year of college. She wants her to figure out what matters to her before going to college if that’s what she wants. She doesn’t like the idea of going straight to school just because that’s what you do.

Kim did make the point that sometimes you figure all that out while you’re there. It’s whatever works for each person. The point is, there should not be a right or wrong way. What moves us should be our guide. That’s the real should to think about.

Kim talked about Dylan Marron, who has a podcast (and is on YouTube), where he seems to be following his calling. He spends time with the truths of people and society through apparent confrontations, plus other cool stuff.

Kim’s point about him is that he does what most people will not. He goes out and confronts those people who say negative things to him. He asks them to have a conversation about it. She says that’s brave and explains that your calling has to be something you’re willing to feel “unsafe” for. Is it hard? Maybe. Are you willing to do it? If so, it might be your calling.

If you’re Misha Collins, you might go build a school in Haiti. If you’re Kim, you might not. But there’s something for everyone. Briana adores Kim’s courage to confront other people’s pain. She says that most people are uncomfortable around someone’s emotions. Marriages and friendships have fallen right into the toilet over this issue.

And as usual, the ladies of The Wayward Podcast had a few words of wisdom for us to take home. We’re reminded that “my fearlessness does not have to look the same as yours.” One person might skydive, Briana speaks her mind, Kim listens to other people’s, and all of these take a certain bravery or another.

Our callings can be great to only us, to only one person, to the world, or anywhere in between. Our fears are natural and everyone has them. We should not think that we can’t do our thing or be happy because we have fears. Remember, fear is required for bravery to present itself.

They also remind us that there is an important distinction between doing what you want to do and attaching to an identity. What we said we wanted at the beginning of a certain path may not be the same after we’ve walked it a while. As we evolve, so does our calling.

It is OK to change, even start something entirely different instead. At any age and time! Your previous investment is not a lock and key around your neck to make you finish or even continue. If something no longer serves you, leave it behind (with care).

And finally, we are urged not to use our purpose to fill a hole inside. You are not your pain. Let your pain be a lesson, a clue, even a drive. But do not make your pain your identity. Do not think that you must do a thing because a thing happened to you.

You can, and are supposed to choose. So choose, and choose again. Go be something, do something, then be and do something else if you want. You don’t have to move mountains to change the world. Putting your passion into preserving a library is just as necessary to society as perfecting cold fusion. Trust yourself. Carry on, my wayward friends.

Do you believe we all have a calling? If so, do you know yours at the moment? Let us know in the comments below, or send us a tweet!

The Wayward Podcast airs new episodes on Mondays! You can find new and archived shows online at Podbean and transcripts and translations here!