The Wayward Podcast Episode 6, Wayward Beauty: Style-ish

When it comes to beauty, there has always been innovation next to the prescribed, preferred styles of society. What one person finds adorbs may repulse another. Weight, looks, style, and more were topics of discussion on The Wayward Podcast this week.

The Wayward Podcast brought its sixth episode to us and the topic was beauty. Wayward beauty, to be exact. And isn’t all beauty just that in this day and age? While you can peruse the internet of social images and find the most flawless faces and tucked in styles, what we consider beautiful has evolved so much.

When we look in the mirror, we see our own reflections and almost certainly not in the way others see us from the outside. As children, we are taught what is or is not beautiful, even if by accident, by our parents, magazines, friends, even what hangs on the rack in the local department store. We are shown what is standard and many fall in line without a second thought.

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As we mature, we begin thinking more about who we are as individuals. We begin to think about how we want to express ourselves externally in a way that might demonstrate who we perceive ourselves to be internally.

And this is where the wayward journey begins. Will we wear what hangs in the store? Is that our style? Will we add a patch to our jeans?

Will we add another piercing to our ear? Will we wear makeup, and will it look like the cover of that magazine or like Lady Gaga or somewhere in between? We may, or we may not. And that’s what’s so special about now.

Born this way

There will always be the “classic beauty.” Apparently, there is an actual mathematical formula for beauty. While fashion and trends are ever-changing, through all tested cultures, beauty is reflected through symmetry and patterns. The golden ratio can be applied to a face and when the structures fall into its path, that face will be considered attractive by the majority of those surveyed.

This isn’t just true of humans, but also in plants, landscapes, and other things we perceive as visually satisfying. This is the way an artist forms a sketch, the way your knuckles are placed, and even the placement of the planets from the sun. There’s a recordable ratio that appears in all things considered correct or visually pleasing.

When we are babies, we show preference for those we know. As we grow, we mimic the look of those around us. Not just in style or general fashion choices, but even to the extent of making similar expressions.

As time goes by, our faces form the same way and this lends to family members looking alike. A sideways smile here, a pensively raised single eyebrow there, and you have the same wrinkles on a daughter’s face as her mother’s. Yes, genetics are involved, but so is environment.

To add to this subconscious mimicry, we are also directly taught what beauty is. If we have a mother or father who is overweight or overcritical of others, we take their statements and their feelings of self and apply them to what we perceive to be correct.

In some cases, like Kim mentioned on The Wayward Podcast this week, we are outright told that something is or is not attractive. She told us how her father would experience noticeable anger and distaste when he saw a woman who he believed was dressed or made up in an unattractive way. He saw it as a personal insult.

As she grew, she took in those preferences and the way it made him feel when these women did not do what was expected. Not only did she develop the goal to be different than him in that way, but she inadvertently inherited the preferences and applied them to herself. While she can look at me and tell me I look lovely today, she keeps a stern watch on her weight and appearance.

Kim grew up to express herself visibly. She has many tattoos and finds them quite beautiful. I don’t assume this is something she learned from her parents as what beauty means, but to her, it is. She talked about how some people are immediately shaken by her appearance and choices, and she doesn’t blame them for that. In the same way, she continues to evolve from her childhood teachings, others are on their own paths.

The late but certainly great Rick Genest (you may know him as Zombie Boy), was a beautiful example of this. His excessive display of body art earned him world records and inevitably, he was noticed and brought to the runway as a respected model of high fashion. He moved into his passion, music, as a top-notch DJ. Lady Gaga absolutely had to have him in her music video, Born This Way, where she dressed to match him.

He starred in the movie 47 Ronin with Keanu Reeves and impressively was the example of the effective coverage of L’Oreal’s makeup. This commercial also gave us the only glimpse of what he looked like minus the art.

Each of these accomplishments was on its own merit but his unstill river ran much deeper. On first glance, most people, even those with their own body art, are taken aback. He truly used his body as a canvas. But underneath, for those who dared to come a little closer, there was a hidden gem lurking.

Available only to those who were unafraid to dig in, those who really wanted to see. He was extremely generous and highly intelligent. Gifted in music and communication and eager to give the money he never really cared for to the people he loved the most. He believed in his beauty and put it out there for us.

While we look at a book and seek to read its pages, we can’t help but experience an initial internal reaction to the cover. We program and deprogram ourselves over time to ignore those impulses and eventually they cease to exist if we work hard on it. But we are always most critical of ourselves.

Reflecting on reflections

Remember that first time you heard your own recorded voice? Maybe it was on an answering machine (yeah, back in those days), or on video. Either way, I think it’s safe to say that almost all of us were like, “um… is that what you hear when I talk?”

Nope, that is not what I sound like. But yes, yes it is. The person next to you will agree, yes, that is your voice that I hear.

Why does it sound different to us? For the same reason that what we see in the mirror isn’t what everyone else sees when they look at us. We hear our voice from within and we see ourselves the same way. We are looking from a point of judgment, assessment, in fact, that is the only reason the mirror exists.

Sometimes we are pleased with what we see, sometimes not. Sometimes we put on makeup to “get pretty” as Kim says she used to think of it. And sometimes we don’t bother, as Briana said because we don’t think it will do any good. These are self-created illusions that become real through our belief in them. Like Tinkerbell.

Kim and Briana talked on The Wayward Podcast about how some people put on makeup to cover perceived imperfections or to give a different image to the world. Briana recalled how once she got older and started to change the way she saw herself, she started wearing makeup more.

She didn’t ever go to the parties and had a long history of being bullied about her appearance and weight. She spent “literally every other weekend” mastering her makeup skills and applying it to her friends’ faces. Just not on herself.

Not until now. Now she sees a different person in the mirror. She is proud of herself and sees her beauty so she enjoys all kinds of styles as accents to that now.

“It’s like decorations at the party,” she said. Kim feels the same way about her tattoos. While one person may look at her arm and see marred skin, she sees beautiful art. She considers them decorations and she loves them all.

This is more support to the notion that beauty is in the eye of the beholder. If we think it’s beautiful, it is. If we think we are not beautiful, that is also real.

For some, the view can be very humbling. In extreme cases, such as Body Dysmorphic Disorder, a person could go to severe and sometimes critical extremes to shape their bodies to an impossible expectation that they hold for themselves. No matter how hard they try, they cannot see that beauty in the mirror.

Sometimes these issues are very strong and can require outside help to break free of the true pain that happens with every assessment. But for most, this view of self is something that can and should be tailored to a place of acceptance. If you are dissatisfied with your appearance, no one should tell you that you can’t change it.

Coloring your hair, piercing your septum, getting a full sleeve, wearing fishnets or glitter lashes, it’s all you. Go, be proudly wayward! If you want to look like a fashion model or Kim Kardashian, go and make it so. Get the concealer of your dreams, cover your freckles or henna some on. Make the outside match the inside. Or enjoy your natural beauty, no mods requested.

https://www.instagram.com/p/BVIXKZkBqCd

Tip the scales

Kim talked about her addiction to weighing herself. Briana offered the advice that she might try checking less often. Kim says that Briana is not the only one who has offered this suggestion and one friend has even literally stolen her scale to forcefully suggest she keep off it. Kim marveled at Briana’s total lack of interest in her weight and strives to also not care.

Briana says it’s because she no longer minds her weight but more her health and how she feels. She can tell if she is in need of a boost by her energy level, her appearance, and other little clues she minds instead of the pounds. “I can gain five pounds in an hour,” she said with a chuckle. And it’s true. A person’s weight fluctuates strongly just through a single day of eating, sweating, and the whole nine.

Kim really wants to disregard the old feelings she has about her scale. She doesn’t want to get on there and think, “OK, I’m gonna get on this and it will make me feel bad or good.” She wants to look at her weight from a place of health rather than concern.

Briana pointed out that Kim is a fit person and doesn’t need to monitor the pounds. If she were struggling with her health or an athlete, for example, it might be different.

Kim and Briana both happily fess up to body modifications on this episode of The Wayward Podcast. Briana had a laugh at herself when she admitted that she decided to pierce her septum after she got bored with her own face in all the convention photographs. I liked her thought process, though, and it’s the same one I try to stick with.

She said she went with the septum because it was easy to hide if she decided to do so. And if she changed her mind, the hole wouldn’t be obvious, either.

I have actually taught my kids this same guideline, letting them know that I am not critical if they decide to be pierced, but to use discretion when making decisions at the beginning of their piercing lives. You just never know what you’ll want later.

Kim’s confession was as humorous. She says that she gets Botox. She said that she thinks it’s totally fine. She maintains that she does it for herself, not society, and that’s how she knows she’s on the right track for herself. She says that it makes her just feel better and that she likes “not having eyebrow lines that are so deep that small children fall into them.”

So the takeaway from The Wayward Podcast this week can be summed up with the idea that beauty remains subjective. What you believe you are, you are. Your view of yourself becomes your truth. If you need support, reach out, it’s there.

If you are proud, be proud. If you want tattoos, get them. Be you, be wayward, be cool. Carry on.

Do you have any beauty rituals that make you feel good? How about body modifications? What are your views on expressing yourself through art on your body? Let us know in the comments below or send us a tweet!

The Wayward Podcast airs new episodes on Mondays at 9 a.m. Pacific time, and has a full archive of previous episodes on Podbean.