The Wayward Podcast Episode 5, Wayward Health: Ms. Treatment

The Wayward Podcast has talked about a lot of topics so far. Most of them focus on health in one way or another. This week, for the fifth episode, health was the actual topic and they covered it from head to toe.

It’s not exactly wayward to despise getting a strep test. Whenever I have to take one of my kids to the doctor while they already feel terrible and then have a swab rubbed on their on-fire throat, I feel awful. So we have a little deal that makes us both feel a smidge better.

The thing is, “treat” is a subjective term. One child may want some new hair ties while another may want to stay up later. But this is not the norm.

Let’s face it, they usually want a candy or something. This is what kids think of most of the time when they hear the word “treat.” Not broccoli, but candy. Briana confirmed on The Wayward Podcast that broccoli is not a treat. Nobody blames the kids for this choice.

As adults, it’s not that different. Since this is what we are typically given as information in childhood, we take it with us and yeah, we give it to our own kids. Sugar is a treat. Sweets, sodas, things like this, these are treats. So when we grow up, we’re like, “yes, I can eat this entire bag of candy and no one can stop me!”

As adults, we are stressed, hard-working, deserving of treats. We sit down with our glass of wine, our thing of ice cream, or our extra serving of our favorite baked good and think, “ahh.. this will be relaxing.” And it sure is… until tomorrow.

Kim talked about how when we were kids, we used to love that candy delight. As adults, we eat the candy still, not because it even tastes that great, but because we are seeking to replicate that feeling.

This is the other thing that happens to us as adults. Our fantasies are shattered and we find out that these little goodies are not ways to treat ourselves, but tools we use to mistreat ourselves. Boo.

Just desserts

So now what? Well sure, it’s ok to have these things. Somewhere along the way we accidentally overdo it and allow that to become ok. We know it’s not going to end well if we eat the bag of candy but we do it because we deserve a treat. We skip the gym today because we’ve been really good and we deserve a treat.

We get to relax and not do the healthy thing today. It’s a treat! We even stay up a little late and watch that old movie we always loved. Tomorrow we wake up late, grab a coffee and a doughnut for breakfast. It’s ok, it’s just this once. I’m wayward.

Alas, the sugar breakfast saps us of our energy. We have more coffee to keep up. Then we can’t sleep later on and we’re up too late staring at the ceiling.

Then it’s coffee for breakfast tomorrow, but no doughnut because we did that yesterday. Just coffee, we overdid it and now we have to cut back. Just coffee for breakfast.

Kim correctly mentioned that sleep deprivation is classified as torture. I torture myself as a treat. Lame.

We’ll have a smoothie for lunch and get back on track. Except that since we’re running behind, we will negotiate on that, too. A McDonald’s smoothie contains about 44 grams of sugar, FYI. An adult woman should stick around 25 per day, incidentally.

And yes, we have to go to the gym to undo this madness, any that’s not permanent, that is. But it was worth it. Uh… I guess. These two extremes are not the same as balance, though, and we are caught in a cycle of self-abuse.

Kim mentioned in The Wayward Podcast this week that she often feels a very negative vibe surrounding self-care because it feels like a form of punishment. She may feel like she’s out of shape and that means it’s time to go to the gym. She says she gets that instinct to take the best care of herself only when she takes the least care of herself. Relatable.

Briana chimed in when the talk moved to eating healthy foods. It takes time or money, they agreed. If you lack one or the other, you could end up reaching for a quick fix, and that might be a bag of skittles. Also relatable.

Her big thing is routine. This is true for so many of us but we don’t always pay attention to it. Since these ladies travel a lot and hold demanding work schedules, structure can sometimes flee from them. As a mother of many littles, I experience this a lot when one gets sick or something goes south without warning.

It’s when these mishaps occur that I end up putting myself on the back burner. Before a day or two has passed, I’m feeling frustrated, tired, sick. I have some health issues that require me to stay on top of my game.

When I give all I’ve got, which I do a lot, I go down for the count. This is the time I try to stay most focused on my sleeping patterns, what I’m eating, and how my brain is feeling. And that’s another really important matter addressed in The Wayward Podcast this week.

Think twice

Sometimes my mind and I don’t get along. When I say think twice, I mean two things. One is that I have to literally think twice (or more). My mind gets foggy and I actually have to stop in place and think, “What the heck was I just about to do?”

We’ve all been there at times. For me, it’s a sign that I didn’t eat, didn’t sleep enough last night, forgot a medicine, something. But most of all, it means it’s time to figure it out.

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The other thing I mean about thinking twice is reconsidering what you are doing. So now I’m clearly in need of food but that doesn’t mean I have more time than I did a few minutes ago.

So here’s that moment I have to make a choice. What do I grab? I know that it’s important to grab a protein bar instead of a danish. Not one of the sugar-lie protein bars, but a real one. Or like, some pumpkin seeds.

This is a big decision for me because if I do the wrong thing at this point, everyone will pay for it in a big way. The first thing that happens is I get stiff. My hips stop moving fluidly and then pain comes. Before long, I get overtired from the effort of ignoring that and the next thing you know, I’m forced into my special, happy recliner.

Delegating from the chair is a lot harder than doing things myself. Now that I’m a grown-up (or this is what I’ve been told), Like Briana, I don’t want to take the break.

I like being the superhero and doing the undoable. I like knocking out my to-dos. My kids need me to stay functional, and making the right choices, in the beginning, is the only way to stay in that place of hero. For me, it’s making lists.

When I’m in my right state of mind and body, I can see that I have a lot on my plate already. If I know I have a super full day or two ahead of me, it’s time to prioritize now. That way, when the unforeseeable addition to my day shows up, I will know exactly what it’s safe to cut out. If the bummer scenario occurs and I start freezing up, it’s time to go to the list. Just stick to the list and keep moving.

The bottom line is that we have to think ahead. We have to fight that urge to treat/mistreat ourselves and go for the things that will give us the good outcome. That instant gratification instinct of childhood can’t control us. None of us will avoid it every time, but if we don’t maintain that balance, we’re gonna end up in a physical or emotional timeout.

Heads up

During The Wayward Podcast, Briana talked about how she has to have something to reach for, something bigger than herself. Kim agreed and said that for her, it’s a life or death matter that she keeps her spirituality intact. Whether it’s praying to “God as I understand it,” like Kim says, or looking to your horoscope for hope that tomorrow will be better, Briana agrees that having that outside influence to turn to is important.

Knowing there is something outside of our control out there working its own will upon us might seem scary, but also is “sometimes a relief,” Briana says. “When you don’t have that thing,” she says, “you won’t have that anchor to grasp onto quickly and easily” when you need to. And you will need to.

When they start to go down, the first place they look is up. And even before letting it get that far, keeping your inner child healthy is part of staying physically well, or getting there if it’s too late for prevention. Sometimes things just are out of our control but that doesn’t mean we can’t keep it together.

Kim talked about walking it off as a mantra of her youth. She was taught that when times were tough, you keep going. We heard about some of her experiences in another episode of The Wayward Podcast. This time she talked about how she broke her back and wasn’t allowed to drive her dad’s stick shift car. But since she could walk, she was still expected to get stuff done at home.

As a result of this way of life, she learned to be apprehensive of taking time for herself. Kim has developed a sense of guilt that arises when she finds herself feeling like she needs a break or when her human body has needs. Like so many of us, she goes ahead with life even though she feels crappy. If she can make it, she will.

However, also as a result of that life as a youth, she learned other lessons. Like the time when she was at the doctor but her mother believed she was exaggerating her pain. Soon after that pain was dismissed, her appendix burst. This is one of the ways she also learned that sometimes you really must not walk it off.

But how do we draw that line? When do we say “yes, I need help now.” That answer is different for everyone but one thing is for sure. Refusal to make a choice is still making a choice.

Inaction, as Kim and her mother learned, comes with an outcome of its own. Sometimes it’s right to wait. Go to that anchor you have and think it over. Do a thing and let your mind clear the way to a path that is right.

Mind over matters

On this episode of The Wayward Podcast, Briana also shared a story with us. She told us that she’s had a difficult year when it comes to emotional health. She even used the wording that Kim pointed out is so taboo, mental health.

Briana has a lot on her plate. Sure, we all do, but this is that thing when we have more than usual for us. After a long stretch of this, she had to ask herself what she could do to make her mind feel better. An overdose of stress or responsibility for others can take any of us to the edge. In this case, she wanted to reinforce so that she didn’t get that far.

After considering cutting back on her work, she determined that is one of the things that keeps her feeling good. So looking for a new solution, she turned to a therapist. This is a new experience for her but she found that when she started to be open about it with her friends and coworkers, it was no surprise. They joked with her, “you’re an actor and you’ve never been to a therapist?!”

Briana has come to understand and share with others that therapy is something she is proud of seeking out. She says it’s been a huge success for her and she is stronger for doing it. Treating the whole person is critical. and being wayward as we all are, we know and have to remind ourselves that being surrounded by the right people is equally necessary and therapeutic.

This is the second time on The Wayward Podcast that our hosts have mentioned the stigma around mental health. The recurring point is that no one looks down on us for hiring a personal trainer. They are like, “Oh, good for you! Get in shape and be strong!” But a therapist on the other hand, that’s another story. We feel the need to keep it to ourselves.

Surely it’s supported negatively by a fear of being seen as inadequate. Catching a cold won’t get your kids taken from you but insanity might. People don’t understand mental health the way they do bacteria. There’s no antibiotic for “I just feel like everything is too hard.” While that is an extreme example, most fears are based on something sinister brewing deep inside.

But like a cold, we need treatment for mental anguish. Even if it’s mild, there are tools we can have to feel better while we get through what ails us. Whether that ailment is big or small, there is something that can at least be helpful. These are no longer the days Kim mentioned before when a woman could be committed for “women troubles.”

We can’t cure our cold, but we can get hot tea to be able to breathe again. We may not wake up relieved of our stress, but we can do some yoga or something to just be able to breathe again. Finding what works for us may be trial and error, but if we don’t seek something, it will only be error.

One thing, two thing, red thing, you thing

That thing isn’t exclusively based on having a higher power to trust or contemplate. It’s also about doing a literal thing of your own. Your safe place, your hobby, your mental playground. And if you can incorporate that thing into your physical health at the same time, you’re golden.

My thing and your thing are probably not the same. Kim has found a grace in horseback riding. It gives her a workout and she gets her mind cozy at the same time. Briana likes to meditate. She says it’s soothing.

My son is right now at the skate park doing his thing and my mom is bundled up outside in the winter “getting some sun.” I like to make things, personally. These are our “must haves.”

Kim pointed out on The Wayward Podcast this week, every habit we have, at one point, served us. What we need to do is continuously ask ourselves if they still do. If not, dump it and find a new habit. Fear of change is often the only thing that keeps us from leaving behind something we’ve always done in favor of “maybe.”

Like Briana said, if she hadn’t said maybe so many times, she’d still be on that farm back in Saskatchewan. It isn’t about knowing that the new thing will be a win, it’s admitting to yourself that the old thing no longer is.

It’s  about saying, “maybe.” Maybe this will work for me, it’s working for him/her. Maybe I will feel better if I cut out milk. Maybe I will get more sleep tonight and that will help tomorrow. Maybe I will treat myself.

Whatever you believe in is up to you. But believe in something. Whatever thing you choose is up to you. But find a thing and do it.

And however you treat yourself is up to you. But find a treat. If you don’t do these things and do them well, you will not be treating yourself, you will be mistreating yourself.

Kim wouldn’t send her daughter to school on 5 cookies, so we mustn’t expect different of our own needs. Health might sometimes be hard or icky, but illness and disorderly thinking are much harder. Get that cape back out and be your own hero!

So that’s it, ladies and gentlemen. This week’s episode of The Wayward Podcast hit it out of the park again for me. After the episode topics covered thus far, as the ladies put it, now we are all a picture of perfect health. So I’m going to put down these Teddy Grahams and go give myself a real treat. See you when I wake up! Carry on.

So what is the number one thing you try to walk off and never can? What is your favorite health practice to keep it together? Let us know in the comments below or send us a tweet!

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