The Wayward Podcast Episode 14, Wayward Badass: Who’s bad?

Kim and Briana have brought us into the mindset of the Wayward Badass. Not only do they talk about their own, previously reluctant ownership of this term, but they remind us that we are almost certainly badass material, ourselves.

The Wayward Podcast has frequently proven to be the perfect platform for Briana Buckmaster and Kim Rhodes to demonstrate their Yin Yang relationship. This makes them an ideal team to investigate and meander through basically any topic.

Throughout the history of this podcast, we’ve heard them each share their respective opinions and behaviors. Sometimes those are polar opposites, but they always end up quite complimentary. It is a huge benefit to their friendship to be able to support and understand each others’ perspective. And through this same truth, it means that no matter our own views, someone is speaking for, and to us.

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It’s no wonder these two have paired up in life so tightly and completely, and in such support of each other. I, for one, am really glad they decided to come together in Kim’s closet, and on obscure floors near and far, to bring us their thoughts on such a variety of insanely relatable topics.

In this episode, our wayward gems talk about what makes someone a badass, how to accept that you are one, and what it can mean to you and others if you do or do not take on that identity. There’s a level of responsibility that comes with this great power of realization.

They address the misconception that a badass doesn’t give a darn about anything. Sometimes, they give all the darns but aren’t going to let that take them down. Sometimes, you have to just look something in the face and understand you’ve already done all that you should.

Because, not only can you handle just about anything, but you have limits so that you don’t have to. Because sometimes you’ve already seen it all. Because sometimes it means saying, “Yes! I am going to do that thing,” but sometimes it means saying, “No! I am not going to do that thing.” Because you are a badass.

Before you go on, remember that this is fully spoilers. So if you want to listen to “Wayward Badass” first or again, go here. If you need help enjoying this, or any other episode of The Wayward Podcast, check out the link at the end of this story for transcripts and translations!

Hello, my name is “Badass”

I have found in all my years of celebrity fandom, the lovely people behind the characters we come to love or frown upon, are all just humans like us. Briana and Kim started The Wayward Podcast in this vein, and we have all gotten a fat taste of this reality through the show.

When an actor goes out for or accepts a role, there is often something in that character that speaks to them. Jensen Ackles’ Supernatural character, Dean, has uncanny similarities to him in real life. From their love of music to their family values, Jensen and Dean share common threads.

Did the role get tailored to him through the years? Only Chuck knows. Either way, the connection is true. This phenomenon is frequent in television and film.

Having both played roles on Supernatural as badass women who could never be defined as anything less, it was natural that fans would see them that way off the screen. We all know, an actor is not their character. But like with the Jensen-Dean paradox, they sometimes, actually, maybe a little bit are.

This is also something that comes through for Kim and Briana as they play these wayward badass women we love on that same Supernatural screen. Their characters have also evolved over time, but they are both stand-up, take-no-bull women on screen and in life. Both of them play deeply empathetic, motherly individuals who do care what others think, but are also able to draw that line and say, “Absolutely not.”

Kim wanted to make it first known that she really had a struggle adopting the identity of “badass.” She and Briana both recalled the frequency at convention panels and such, that people would ask, “How do I get to be a badass like you?” This was very odd to them both when it first began to happen.

They just didn’t feel right owning that in the beginning. They thought, “Who, me?” They both still experienced a little bit of the residue of their pasts- days when they felt like they were anything but the captain of a ship. Kim gave a great analogy about that, saying that by denying your badassery, you can actually cause harm to people.

She said it was like sitting there, at the helm of a ship, being like, “Uh, no, I’m not the Captain.” You’re driving but not taking responsibility. Briana said that is something she loves about Kim, she is going to sit there and say, “These are all the things that could go wrong if we do this or if we don’t. Not just for us, but for everyone else, too.” Kim calls it being a “preemptive no.” It’s her “nah” side.

Kim feels that same appreciation for Briana’s tendencies, as she is first to say, “YES, I will try *insert anything here*.” That’s her “maybe” side. Together, they balance each other out and end up making decisions that lead them together into shenanigans and adventures like our beloved Wayward Podcast.

As they recounted for us right out of the gate, that was exactly the process they followed in starting this very show. But they remind us that it’s not our wayward fear that makes us who we are. It’s actually our ability to look it in the face and keep going. It’s our “maybe,” it’s our Oprah.

Welcome to your show

I absolutely loved Briana’s comparisons using Oprah as the picture of a wayward badass. This is a perfect example because this is one woman who has never, ever stopped. Briana talked about how Oprah is not someone with no weakness or fears, but someone who is not shy about putting it all out on the table.

This reinforces the understanding that being a badass does not mean you have no fear. It does not mean you don’t care about what people think. It means that you have overcome those things, and you keep doing that, because they keep happening.

Briana said, “Oprah is a true queen.” She brings up how Oprah has no problem talking about her worth or about her vulnerabilities. She has been met with enormous challenges getting to where she is. The fact that she knew her worth is what got her where she is. Her show is the Oprah show. Your life is your show. You get a show, you get a show, everybody gets a show!

Oprah is not afraid or arrogant to own that power she has. In fact, it is likely her persistence and determination that actually created that power. It’s like The Secret, the law of attraction. The theories say, if you believe it, then it’s true. Period.

There are entire philosophies on this topic regarding everything from getting free coffee handed to you at will to literally changing your genes or any aspect of your life with nothing more than your own thoughts.

The bottom line of all these belief systems is that the mechanism of truly believing that something is real is what actually gives it life. Oprah had to convince others of her worth, but she never stopped until she did. Now none of us have a doubt.

Briana also talks about how the difference between arrogance and strength of self is authenticity. She could make things up to convince people of her coolness and admits she’s done this in the past, as we likely all have at least once. But when you just go out and represent who you know you are, what you can accomplish, you are not arrogant, you are strong. Like Oprah.

Walking a thin line

Briana talks about her system of knowing the difference between the good kind of wayward and the probably-not-a-good-idea kind. She said she used to call it “the hot and cold method.” When an idea makes her feel warm and fuzzy inside, she goes for it.

Briana will weight out the feeling by asking herself questions. “Do I want to go and sit in Kim’s closet for three hours? Yes!” But in some scenarios, the warm and fuzzy is absent. “I’m going to this shady comedy club because some guy says he’s an agent and wants to sign me to a series,” is going to cause a different reaction.

Her inner Briana says, “that’s- don’t do that, Briana.” What used to be the hot and cold method, she now just knows is her intuition, her instincts, her Jiminy Cricket. She talks about how she sometimes tries to trick it, maybe she will justify a behavior she knows isn’t good for her or someone else.

When she does that, she gets in trouble because that inner self fights back. She gets anxiety attacks, even illness when the intuition turns on her because she’s fighting against it. Kim knew exactly what she meant and I know I sure do. It’s like walking a tightrope.

Kim also went into her own method of assessing whether or not to go forward with something. She said she goes on the principle that she is acting genuinely and again mentions her motto, “Give it for free, and for fun.”

She affirms that you might give all the f–ks in the universe, but you choose which ones to honor. “I am not doing x, y, or z anymore.” She will do what feels right to her in that moment, and “you take it however you take it.” I mean, I hate to put my coffee down in your shoe rack, but it’s going to keep happening. Drawing lines can seem hard, but it is actually the road to easy.

They both had a laugh when Kim explained how this could pan out if damage resulted from her actions. She said either she owns that her behavior caused the thing and she honors that and changes, or it’s “Wow, sounds like you have an issue.”

This was really the big point though. It’s true, sometimes we act in a way that causes pain and that is something we should own. But everyone is out here living their own experience, and it’s important to let them do that once we have swept our side of the street in those cases.

Briana noted that Kim often reminds her that “other people’s discomfort is not your responsibility.” Briana has a tendency to work hard to solve everything. She has noted in past episodes that this may be her own tool to avoid discomfort, but it can be consuming. Sometimes a person is just going to be bent out of shape and it’s just not our responsibility to beat down that wall.

Briana told Kim and us that over the years, she feels like she has “finally found a way to embody that in a way that’s not harmful to anybody else,” and she likes that. Kim says we are “responsible to, not responsible for” other people in our behaviors.

I often have to figuratively beat this into my head when it comes to my children. It’s the only way to keep that line between sympathetic mom and pushover. My inner cricket never fails me in that, but it sure can step back a lot and offer me some tests. “Ms. Cricket, madam, can you please show me the line? I am having trouble seeing it.”

I meant to do that

I loved the story Briana shared about her first day in a new school. She recounted how she was overweight and in those days, it was always at the front of her mind. She was sure that everyone else also saw only this at first glance.

To combat this upcoming certain humiliation she planned to experience when called in front of the school for introduction, she had a plan. She thought, “I will do something funny and beat them to the punch.” By the way, Briana, I would really like to hear the rest of this story- what did you do?!

So the plan worked, people laughed. In her mind she said, “They’re laughing with me. Everything is OK.” This was her tool to reframe her perception of the situation, and it worked. Now, she says that when she commits to something, it’s always comedy. Using that tool over the years has made her great at being funny, and it is satisfying for her in new ways now.

So that’s the ticket- find your thing. For Briana, it’s comedy; for Kim, it’s spilling her guts. Briana says that she admires Kim’s ability to lay it all out. Kim says those guts are “squishy, people slip on them, it’s uncomfortable.” But she does it, and then she pulls it all back in and zips the jacket and it’s over.

Briana can’t do that, she says. She fears that if she lets it out, she will cry and fall apart and won’t be able to entertain or not be a disaster of fluids after that on stage. She leans to comedy when those moments arise. They each have their thing, but that’s the point.

And when we find our thing, we use it to protect ourselves and others. If Kim or Briana go against their thing, they get angst and inner turmoil. That is true for all of us so owning our thing as a tool and a strength is the first step to making it our power.

“Letting yourself grow, not being scared to be you,” Briana says, is how you make that tool into a superpower. Kim thinks of it as “If I made a mistake today, it doesn’t mean I’m not a badass, it means I learned something.” And this, ladies and gentlemen, is exactly what makes us a badass.

Our final lesson from this episode of The Wayward Podcast is one to keep golden within us at all times. When we’re feeling weak, tired, beaten down by a situation or a world, it will be there to remind us. “If you had one moment when you were brave… then you are a badass,” Kim said. Briana added that “It’s something you discover within yourself.”

It may be that you were bullied, you were invisible, you saw bad things and kept going, or anything. Being brave doesn’t mean you aren’t scared or hurt. It means that you keep going. Walk it off, laugh it off, or keep it and use it. It’s yours- so own it and make it your superpower. You survived. Carry on, wayward badass!

What’s your wayward tool for badassery in life? Do you have a story to share about when you realized you were a badass? Tell us in the comments below or send us a tweet!

New and archived episodes of The Wayward Podcast are available free online at Podbean. You can also access transcripts and translations of each episode here!