Lip Sync Battle: Real Housewives vie to extend 15m of fame

Lip Sync Battle is typically hit or miss. Some have the ability to perform, and some don’t. The Real Housewives episode of LSB has good and bad.

As Lip Sync Battle grows, the list of participants has to expand. Ideally, it would be all singers and performers so there is some sort of entertainment value. Anyone watching the show religiously remembers the atrocities of the Lavar and Lonzo Ball episode. Somewhere between professional singers and the Ball family is the Real Housewives of [insert city embarrassed to be associated here].

Representing Real Housewives of New Jersey is Melissa Gorga, an attractive cast-member who looks like an Italian Haylie Duff. Competing against her is Ramona Singer from Real Housewives of New York, a woman whose last name serves as a contradiction of the Lip Sync Battle purpose.

Round 1

Melissa Gorga

Melissa starts things off with her rendition of “Before He Cheats.” Given the general behavior and tone of The Real Housewives of New Jersey, it’s only appropriate she performs to the female anthem of maliciousness, vandalism, and capricious revenge. What’s telling is the fact she chooses to dress in a combination of flannel shirt and incredibly short jean shorts, looking more like the women being described in Carrie Underwood’s hit than the singer herself.

As for the performance, it’s actually not terrible. There is a lot of bosom thrusting, hair flipping, and camera mugging. Make no mistake; she knows the location of every single camera in a 10-block radius. Her biggest moments come when bending down for dramatic effect, with the inner seam of her jean shorts barely containing her lady parts. In terms of performance ranking, however, it’s one of the better ones in recent memory from those who are not actually singers.

Ramona Singer

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Performing “Milkshake” by Kelis shouldn’t be difficult. It’s mostly just a hook. Ramona, however, proves to be moderately uncoordinated, mostly unaware of the microphone in her hand, and nearly rhythmless. If she were actually singing, it could easily be considered tone deaf.

When she remembers the lyrics, she appears to be consistently behind the song by about a quarter second. Her gesticulations and hopping around are similar to the person in the back of a step aerobics class who hasn’t quite caught up to the instructor. One has to wonder, did the RHONY cast ever go to a club and dance? If you’ve ever watched Seinfeld and have seen the episode when Elaine dances, you have a pretty good idea of things.

Final Round

Ramona Singer

Within the first two notes, everyone knows it’s “Oops!… I Did It Again” by Britney Spears. Unfortunately, it’s not Britney, bitch. Props to Ramona for wearing the red cat-suit, but her performance doesn’t improve. Instead of a microphone, she’s holding a wine glass, and it’s clear she’s already sampled some Jesus juice.

Somehow, her lip syncing is worse in round two. She misses the first word on multiple sentences, and the word “friend” is mouthed like a bad kung fu dub. The whole thing is awkward walking, forgetting lines, and it feels like a family BBQ when someone’s aunt gets drunk and decides to perform.

Melissa Gorga

By the time Melissa takes a few steps forward in a crop-top, sheer pink shirt and impossibly tight, black, leather pants, the competition is already over. She is literally the embodiment of Nicole Scherzinger of The Pussycat Dolls, and her version of “When I Grow Up” is just as hot as the original video. If not better.

Her movements are similar to the first performance. She really likes to fling, toss, and readjust her hair. It works. The crowd’s in a frenzy. Nobody even realizes the background is of a school lunchroom. A single twerk near the end of the choreography tests the tensile strength of her pants, and punctuates the blowout win.

Next: Ranking Tom Holland's Lip Sync Performance

It comes as no surprise that Melissa wins. The crowd gives some sympathy applause to Ramona, but it’s honestly not close. First round knockout. As the lyrics go in “When I Grow Up,” Melissa should have warned Ramona before the show, “Be careful what you wish for. Cuz you just might get it.”

Lip Sync Battle airs next on the Paramount network July 12, with competitors Karrueche Tran vs. Deon Cole.